[Carmim Clover]

❝ WORDS: 1134 TAG: Aegle Verdant NOTES: carm best not-gf-yet TOTAL WORDS: 1134 HAVE YOU SEEN HER? HAVE YOU HEARD? THE WAY SHE MOVES, THERE ARE NO WORDS It had to be an odd sight. This little redhaired girl, walking to the gym with determination on her face, a massive drum hanging at her side, and three large pizzas clutched in her arms. Fiery eyes glowed like embers, and each step brought her closer to her mission. It was late at night, hours after the fateful and eventful class draft process. Carmim was happy, for the most part, about the way things turned out. Many of her new friends were going to be in her class, like Nasrin, Jackie, and Alex, and a lot of her older friends to, who she was much closer to, like Eva, Nik, and of course, the person she was going to see, and their team captain, her roommate Aegle. It was a damn understatement to refer to her as her roommate, honestly. She was a lot closer to Carmim than that, in many ways the Vacuan girl couldn't quite pin down into any meaningful words. Eva was her best friend, but Aegle wasn't any less close. Maybe closer, somehow. It sure felt that way at times, like back in the dojo, before midterms. And during the 3v3 class. If her heart fluttered a bit at the memory of Aegle tending to her wounds after their spar, it faltered just as much at the memory of seeing her friend convulsing on the ground. She had been worried, obviously. Scared, for Aegle. But, as was often the case with the brawler, she'd been told not to worry, told that it was a one-time thing, would never happen again, don't worry about it, about her... And, as was to be expected by this point, Aegle hadn't spoken of it since then. None of that did a thing to dissuade her from worrying, of course. She was nothing, if not determined, and fiercely protective of the people she cared about. Hell, she'd ran after Shade for who knows how long, leaving the other trainees in the dark, with no clue what happened until after the fact. Not that it was anything close to a fair chase- even at her top speed, without Storyteller, she couldn't dream of matching pace with her professor, so she spent much of that chase hoping she was going the right direction. She eventually found her way to Aegle. Eventually. Not that Doc let her in until well after she was deemed safe and unlikely to die. It had been scary. Scarier than anything she'd been through before it. Scarier than fighting Grimm, than facing bandits, than being far from home, than anything. Scarier than watching her uncle die, as much as it pained her to admit it to herself. The thought of losing Aegle... Nope. Not gonna think about it. Still... It just reminded her of how worried for Aegle she was now. 'It's nothin. Gonna go hit the bag for a bit.' Like hell it was nothing. She didn't know what was up, but Aegle hadn't seemed herself at all since the draft email was sent out, announcing her as captain. She hadn't seemed nearly as thrilled as Carmim, and frankly, for all her efforts, she hadn't seen the bald trainee much since then. It was worrying. But she knew where to find her, and she had said to save her some pizza, after all... Three boxes. She'd accidentally ordered three pizzas earlier, and Nasrin had claimed two of them pretty quickly, and the third was shared between her, Holly, and Eva. So, of course, she went ahead and ordered three more- intentionally, this time- for her and Aegle. She wasn't sure how much pizza Aegle would need, honestly, considering she had been in the gym all day, training hard. But she knew workouts always brought out her own appetite, so maybe Aegle needed the extra food. Of course, she also figured variety was nice. And frankly, not everyone seemed too enthused about her pizza choices, most of the time. Which she could hardly understand; she had great taste in food! So, hot and ready for consumption, she had one pizza with Parmesan cheese, broccoli, and chopped grilled salmon, on a whole wheat crust, one pizza with blue cheese, mushrooms, banana peppers, and steak, and one pizza with feta, pineapple, and sundried tomatoes, drizzled in soy sauce. Delicious options! Hopefully Aegle would like at least one of them. Stepping into the gym, she was greeted by the smells of sweat, oil, and leather she had come to expect from Haven's large training facility. She hadn't, however, expected to find Aegle against the wall, visibly shaking, with what seemed like tear-streaked eyes. She had expected the bloody fists, of course, and the punching bag that was growing ever more dented, more broken. Didn't expect the bags under Aegle's eyes, or the sheer, overwhelming sadness emanating from her. It didn't take her any time, as she crossed the gym, to set her pizzas down on a treadmill, and to set her drum by the lowered punching bag. It was a fluid motion, and one with a single focus in mind. Wordlessly, she made her way to Aegle, moving with silent purpose, unusual for someone who talked as much as she did. Softly, she slumped against the wall, right next to the disheveled mess that was her class captain. And with little warning, both arms encircled Aegle from the side, wrapping her into a tight hug. "I knew t'at you were not really okay... Why do you look so sad? And have you slept at all today? Aegle... You have not eaten eit'er, have you? I brought you some food, please eat. Is it t'e draft? Did it not go well? I t'ought it went really well, you did a good job, I was so excited and happy t'at you made so many good choices!" Her concern finally caught up to her, and she loosened her grip on Aegle with a blink of realization, having finally noticed that she was, in her attempts to comfort her friend, more likely than not, smothering her in questions and a vice-grip squeeze. She caught herself, and her words slowed, and her tone softened a bit. "Sorry... It is also okay if you don't want to talk about t'is... But I'm not leaving until I'm sure you are less sad, okay?" Despite her phrasing, it wasn't a question- Carmim was stubborn, maybe even as stubborn as Aegle, when she really wanted to be, and she meant what she said. She would not leave until Aegle relented and at least showed her a genuine, actual, smile. Relaxing her grip just a bit more, she leans into her roommate, awaiting a response of some sort. Hopefully a response involving standing up and grabbing a slice or two of pizza.

LAIKA OF GS!

[Aegle Verdant]

It had been a bad couple of days. That seemed about the way of it, Aegle supposed, and she really ought've seen it coming, given the pattern of her life. She couldn't get to comfortable with good things happening, because she knew they bad would soon be crowding in behind. She felt like she'd made some reall progress during the midterms, like she'd really come to know something important about herself, something actionable, which might help her towards being a better person, or at least a better huntress. A day hadn't passed before those hopes, if not for the future, then at least for her time left at Haven, had been thoroughly dashed upon the stones... What sick joke Van Sange had in mind when he'd made her team leader, Aegle still hadn't figured out, not for a whole day and a half of trying. From the moment she'd found out, to the moment she was finally made to draft her pick of the first years, Aegle had been working circles in her mind and, like any circle, exercise, though it had left her dizzy with the effort, hadn't gotten her anywhere nearer to some place she might have wanted to go.

How she had gone from feeling every second of every minute, of each and every hour, as the weight of her new found responsibility pressed down upon her, to every sense of the actual draft having snuck up upon her, Aegle did not know, but the moment of truth had found her scarcely any more prepared than if she'd been made to make her picks as soon as she'd found out it was her who'd be doing the choosing. What a joke that was, the idea that someone like her should be dictating who went where, that she should have any say what-so-ever in which team people were on. What had Van Sange been thinking, making her decide?

Like well worn tracks, Aegle's thoughts retraced the same tired ruts, again and again, unable to escape the deep furrow she'd ingrained upon the surface of her mind.

She'd sent out a message not too long ago, to every one she'd picked, letting them know where they could find her if any of them were interested in discussing her decision. She'd considered sending a similar message to Erytheia, and Ruqa, who both must know how she'd given them up. Nobody had come so far, which was not as near a comfort as it might have been. That they didn't want to make their displeasure apparent did not mean there wasn't any, after all, and Aegle could think of at least one person who was exceptionally angry at her.

It seemed an awfully petty thing to have done now, with the excitement and worry of the draft having finally passed, and, like everything else, Aegle was unable to stop second guessing it. Worse, it made her no better than Van Sange or Shadecloak, to have used her position of power to hurt someone, simply because she could. All her anger from the previous day, all her confusion, none of it could make what she'd done to Kishka feel right. Not even the momentary satisfaction which had come when she'd passed Argent during the bidding. In the hours since, she had worried herself raw on that decision, which was one she could no longer take back. She could hardly go to Shadecloak or Van Sange, admit she was wrong, and offer Kishka over to the opposing team. Was her momentary gratification, her brief satisfaction, at knowing she'd hurt someone who'd hurt her, worth it? Was it worth disrupting Kishka's life, and forcing her to fight against someone she liked, just to make herself feel like her position of power was good for something?

The answer seemed obvious and, the longer she'd waited, the more she'd hoped Kishka might show up to voice her objection. She could not fail to realize it had been done on purpose, just as she could not fail to understand why Aegle had done it. If she wanted to come to the training hall and take her own brief and fleeting satisfaction, by condemning Aegle's decisions, she was well within her rights to do so.

Kishka had not come though, nor had anyone else, and so Aegle had gone on training. She'd gone on until she was scarcely able to lift her arms, until the bag seemed to sway out of reach a little more with every faltering punch. It had not stopped her. If no one else was going to make her pay for the things she'd done, then Aegle would just have to make herself pay. It was a decision which, like most she'd made in the last forty eight hours, was fueled by a mixture of self-loathing, confusion, and lack of sleep.
She hadn't slept since coming back from the forest.

It was hard to say exactly when she'd started crying, or what precisely had set her off. Perhaps it hadn't been one thing, but everything, the result of all her stress and worry, and of the difficult choices she'd made that day and the long term consequences they promised. Perhaps she was merely tired. Nothing wore down defenses like weariness did, and she could scarcely have been any wearier. She had hoped, just as when she'd been fighting Nasrin, that she'd be knocked out, or at least feint, from the exertion of it. That way she wouldn't need to lay in bed, thinking about all she'd done. It hadn't happened though and, as the punches grew harder, so too did it become harder to see the bag. By the time she recognized it was tears clouding her vision, Aegle had been unable to stop them.

She'd gone on fighting for a little while after that, barely able to see what she was hitting, but even that had proved too great an effort after a while. Now she merely leaned against the dented bag, yet another thing ruined irreparably by her presence, trembling from head to toe and trying to force down the tears. If Kishka had shown up just then, she could scarcely offered a more picturesque tableau. Team Red's erstwhile leader, weeping like a child. It made Aegle so angry to think of that she almost found the strength to resume her training, but even the effort of closing her fingers into fists was too much for her. It hurt too bad, made her arms ache and her knuckles sting, and made her heart throb in her chest.
'Just a few more minutes.' Aegle thought, too weak even to smear away the fresh tears as they tracked out the corners of her red-rimmed, deep sunken eyes, 'Just a few more, and I can start again.'
She could begin wearing away once more at her indefatigable reserves of energy, which had somehow held out well past her loftiest expectations. She couldn't even wear herself out properly, it seemed.

The sound of footsteps pressed Aegle's eyes open, stinging and blurred. Someone was in the training hall. She knew she must look an utter wreck, and shreds enough of self-respect remained to her that Aegle did not want to be seen that way. Too long spent hiding her feelings, playing the brave little trooper in her sterile hospital fort, or smiling wide when she'd as soon have cried since arriving at Haven. Too long pretending she could be anything other than scared and worthless, tired and useless. Before she could cover up however, warm arms folded around her, and Carmim's familiar voice buzzed softly in her ear. The words came out muddled, or perhaps that was merely her effort to comprehend them, though she could well guess their contents.

Carmim, who represented an even greater regret than Kishka had. She'd been selfish with her best friend as well; Despite knowing she'd be better with Colton, instead of giving her up the way she had given up Erytheia, Aegle had clutched jealously onto her friend, unable to bear letting her go. It might have been better if Kishka had shown up instead, looking for some sort of fleeting satisfaction which she might beat out of Aegle's exhausted hide. At least then, Aegle could have guessed what was expected of her. With Carm however, all bets were off. What could she possibly do with Carm?

"Sorry," Carmim whispered, as though she'd anything to be sorry for, and loosened her grip around Aegle. Aegle, who hadn't even the energy to be adverse to the physical contact which so often reminded her of what she was. Not that she could have been any more conscious of who and what she was than she had been in that moment.
"It is also okay if you don't want to talk about t'is, but I'm not leaving until I'm sure you are less sad, okay?"
Sweet Carmim, just concerned for her friend. Aegle's mouth felt dry, her tongue tasted sick, and her whole body shuddered with confused and directionless emotion.
"What's t'talk about?" She asked, fingers finding the front of Carmim's shirt and clutching hold of it tightly. Her slumped shoulders hunched more tightly in, as she pressed her face down out of site, hiding against her red haired friend like a hoplite behind her shield.
"S'all just a joke, aye? A terribly unfunny one, with me as its punch line."
Her voice was strained, raw, and weirdly hollow from crying. It barely sounded like her voice, even to her own ears. She tried to say more, to give even the barest explanation to what she was feeling, or why, but her throat tightened around the words. Before she could say another word, Aegle was shuddering out soft, gasping sobs into the crook of Carmim's neck.
"M'sorry..." She hissed, knowing she should let go of her friend and instead clutching her even tighter, "M'sorry..."

---

words - 1,653
total - 1,653

[Carmim Clover]

❝ WORDS: 1234 TAG: @aglet NOTES: i will whole kick my ass, stg TOTAL WORDS: 2368 HAVE YOU SEEN HER? HAVE YOU HEARD? THE WAY SHE MOVES, THERE ARE NO WORDS It stung a bit. It stung quite a bit actually, seeing Aegle in the state she was in, even though Carmim had quite easily prioritized consoling her friend over reacting to her state of very visible distress. This wasn't like the Aegle that she had known these past three months- that Aegle was always putting on a brave mask, making self-deprecating digs, but never breaking down, not like this. At her best, she was occasionally happy, cheerful and smiling, almost like she'd forgotten about her troubles and insecurities. At worst, well... This was it. She was finally getting a glimpse of Aegle at her lowest point, and it hurt her to see it. But that hurt paled in comparison to what Aegle was feeling, so she did nothing to show it, herself. Three months... It dawned on her that they had known one another that long. They had been rooming together for that long. Three months. It was a long time. It felt like yesterday, and forever. "What's t'talk about?" Small, bloodied, and gnarled hands grabbed at her shirt, clinging to the fabric like a lifeboat on a sinking ship. In any other circumstance, her face might have reddened a shade or two, ever since their spar a few days ago. Right now, everything was out the window, everything except for ensuring that Aegle was okay. Which she very clearly was not. But she would be. The girl, so often averse to any physical contact that didn't involve her fists, dropped her face against Carmim's shoulders as she spoke, and the redhead wasn't initially sure how to react. This was definitely a side of Aegle she hadn't seen before, that was for sure. Her words made Carmim wince, just slightly, as they came pouring out. On second thought, maybe seeing Aegle look this way hadn't hurt as much, in comparison. A joke? She didn't... She couldn't really feel that way about herself, right? At least now she was pretty sure that her assumption was correct- it was the draft that was causing all of this anguish. Well, if the class split was what was hurting Aegle so much, then why even have it!? Nothing was worth... this. Before she could express that thought, she was hit with a wave of wracking sobs and muffled apologies, as her roommate clung to her even tighter, shaking and miserable. What could she even say to her right now? She didn't. Not for a while, at least. She just held Aegle, just as Aegle was holding her. For a while, she just sat there, holding her, and thinking. Thinking about what the right words were to fix this. She didn't want her friend to be this sad. She didn't think anyone should be this sad, least of all, Aegle. Was it about the whole thing with Kishka, in the student chat? Because swear to the gods, Carmim would kick that big-mouthed girl's ass. She already didn't like her, because of how hostile she was to almost everybody, especially Aegle, but if it was her, and her mean words, that were making Aegle this way, that bitch was catching hands. And Carmim had been practicing throwing hands, thanks to Aegle. Not even her stupid-looking umbrella was going to protect her. But if that was it, then why was she apologizing so much? Was it because she didn't get someone she had wanted? She knew that Aegle and Theia were close, and Theia ended up on the Green Team, but even that seemed like it wouldn't be enough, on its own anyways, to make her this upset. And if it had been, why hadn't she just contested Colton's pick? She could have. But she didn't, for whatever reason. It didn't make a lot of sense, honestly. But that also didn't explain the apologies. She couldn't figure this one out on her own. As much as she didn't want to stir up the cause of Aegle's tears, she knew she would have to ask her what was going on. And that was something she was very much not ready to do, so they sat there for even longer, just stuck to one another, unmoving, aside from Aegle's quivering. She hadn't noticed when, but she could feel that her shirt had come untucked in the front, simply from the intensity of her friend's grip on it. No doubt, it was also stained with blood. She couldn't see it, given there was a small Atlesian in the way, but if she knew Aegle, her fists were probably bleeding after she let out whatever aggression she could on her punching bag. And the top of her shirt and jacket, were now damp with tears. With her freest hand, she reached up to gently rub Aegle's back as she leaned into Carmim and cried, as if instructing her to let it all out. Considering she'd never seen Aegle fall to pieces like this before, she wasn't sure exactly if it was a first, or if she had just happened to walk in on what was a regular occurrence. Either way, there was no telling when she would finish crying, so Carmim would simply wait until she did, or at least until her sobbing softened and slowed. Leaning her cheek against Aegle's head, she was pleasantly surprised by the feeling of Aegle's hair. There wasn't a lot of it, but it was soft and fuzzy, tickling her face as she noticed it for the first time. She had grown a lot since coming to Haven, Carmim realized. Physically, of course, with her hair sprouting and all, but also she felt it went deeper than that. Aegle had grown a lot as a person. At least, it looked that way to her. Why else would she have been chosen to be one of the two first-year leaders? When the sobbing quieted enough, no matter how long that took, Carmim spoke gently. "You are not a joke. Or a punchline. Please do not say t'ings like t'at." She remembered all the times Aegle was laughing, for seemingly no reason, in the whole time she'd known her. Was she laughing because she saw herself as a joke? It was logic that Carmim couldn't possibly understand, if that were the case. Something totally foreign and alien to her, like if somebody told her they breathed metal and ate wind. It didn't make sense. "And please don't say you are sorry. What do you have to be sorry for?" We are in t'e same class! she continued, only in her mind, knowing that to say that out loud may well be inviting more pain and tears. She didn't know why, but couldn't shake the feeling that the draft was what had her friend so dismayed. "It isn't t'at purple-haired girl, is it? Because you just say t'e word, and I will go beat her up. She is so mean, for no reason..." She took a second to breathe, and calm back down- talking about Kishka saying hurtful things about Aegle was just getting her heated, and she needed to be there for Aegle, not running off to go pick a fight. Not that she was opposed to running off and picking a fight. Priorities, Clover, priorities.

LAIKA OF GS!

[Aegle Verdant]

"You are not a joke. Or a punchline," Carm's voice soothed softly into her ear, while her hand found what little of her back there was to rub which wasn't covered up with metal and machinery, "Please do not say t'ings like t'at."
Strange though it was, it came as a bit of a comfort to hear the depth of concern in her roommate's voice, to know she ranked high enough among Carmim's many concerns to warrant the tense strain present in her tone. It made her feel guilty too, however, knowing what she must have been putting her friend through right then, and embarrassed to have been the cause, like being sad was somehow something she ought've been ashamed of. Perhaps it was. It had been such a long time since she'd allowed herself to be so honest about her sadness that Aegle could scarcely recall what it should have felt like.
"And please don't say you are sorry. What do you have to be sorry for?"
What didn't she have to be sorry for? Only her appointment as the class leader; Everything else which had spiraled out from that decision was unambiguously her doing, from the poor state of the selections, to her own worried sleeplessness, to the breakdown she was current in the midst of having. All of that was her fault, and all of it worth being sorry for. Aegle tried to say so, but only an aching croak made it past her quivering lips. It seemed, having bottled it all up for so long, it wasn't just her frustration and anger and guilt of the draft coming out now, but all the sadness and frustration and anger she had pent up from everything else which had happened to her. Everything from the petty difficulties of life at Haven, to the fact that she woke up every morning only to be reminded of what a shambles she'd been made, not to mention the brutal arithmetic which served as the one certainty in an otherwise uncertain life. It all came flooding out, all of that hurt and pain and hopelessness, all of it translated into weak and blubbery sobs which turned Carm's jacket collar sodden with tears. She was an absolutely wreck, and somehow finding new and terrible ways to to crumble apart. She hated herself for doing it, hated herself for showing the depth of her misery to the one person in the whole Academy she'd most wanted to hide it from. She wasn't merely sad, merely angry, merely dissatisfied, nor frustrated. In that moment, it seemed quite as though she could be nothing other than wretched and without hope, like she'd been laboring under some great weight which had finally pressed her down, prostrate, beneath its immense and inescapable bulk, a weight she'd never again be able to lift.

She hung off of Carmim, trembling with the simple effort of keeping on her feet, and her wordless blubbering hitched up into an even higher, more insistent key. What was she doing with her life? It was a mean life, not even half what she might have hoped for, and she was wasting it, pointlessly struggling to grasp something nature itself had forever placed beyond her reach. What was the point of all that struggling, to end up breaking down, to end up crying so hard she could barely stand? It wasn't just the lack of sleep, nor the stress of the past few days, but everything in the last year, the last ten years. Everything which had worn away at her, everything she'd kept so tightly sealed up that it could do naught but come exploding forth the second a breach was made, all of it frothing out, bubbling forth, a caustic poison of anger and hate and confusion and worry and anxiety and fear. All of it. All of it poured out. And, just when it seemed like there couldn't be any more, yet more pressed out anyway, till it felt like she was letting out all of herself. Not merely the bad, but the good too, what little there was to be had. Letting it all out, forcing it all out, till there was nothing left at all, until she was simply a hollowed out little crippled wretch weeping meaningless tears into her best friend's coat.

Carm was still there when her sobs finally dwindled into something that wasn't quite silence. She hadn't been dissolved under the flood, as Aegle had half suspected she would be, but stood as strong and resolute as the crippled girl could have hoped for, a steadfast rock for her to hang off of.
"It isn't t'at purple-haired girl, is it?" She asked into the near-silence. "Because you just say t'e word, and I will go beat her up. She is so mean, for no reason..."
Being reminded of Kishka and, thereby, what Aegle had done to her tapped a further well of sadness and guilt which Aegle had not even realized she had. She shuddered, pressing herself into Carm, but capable only of shaking her head in mute denial, mute refusal, to what the red head offered. She coughed up another quiet, whimpery sob, and tried her best to hide in her friend's arms, as though she might even be able to hide from the pointlessly petty thing she'd done, on top of all the other half-baked ploys she'd tried.
"Why me?" She finally croaked, shuddering again, "Why make me the leader?" She shook her head, as if she could deny the fact that it had even happened, despite having spent the last couple of days convincing herself it had.
"M'not a leader Carm, this draft's just made that clear enough. Shouldn't've taken Kishka, nor Eva, nor you... How could I do that to you?: She dissolved into silent blubbering again, her weak voice petering out entirely, safe for a couple of reedy breaths.
"Nasrin, I had t'take, Jackie too. But you? Y'would've been better off... I should've..." She couldn't force the words out, couldn't bear the sound of her own pitiful voice, so full up with despair and regret. She sufficed for shaking her head instead, and returned to muttering faint m'sorrys whenever her wracked, irregular breathing would allow.
"What if Theia hates me?" She whimpered suddenly, "Could've had her... Had the points..." Aegle's voice screwed up, tight as a twisted hose, "What if she thinks I didn't want her?"
More tears, more senseless blubbering, more meaningless m'sorrys, as Aegle tried and failed to bring herself back under some semblance of control.
"What if they all hate me?" She wondered, "Bein' chosen by the coward captain, the crazy cripple? I should've let Colton have all of 'em. I ain't a captain. M'not a leader, Carm... What'm I gonna do?"
As if there could be some answer to that question, as if Carm could know what it was. There wasn't an answer though, and Aegle knew it, knew it as certain as she knew the next four years.
"M'just a stupid mad idiot tryin' t'be somethin' I'm not; What d'I know 'bout pickin' a team?"

And she started weeping again. It was that, or share some more of what had her so desperate and sad, share things she'd sooner no one, not even Carmim, knew about her. Things that would be wont to change everything between them.
'Sixteen and five.' she counted in her mind, tugging herself close, muffling her whimpery sobs against Carmim's chest, 'Twenty and One.'

---

words - 1,251
total - 2,904

[Carmim Clover]

❝ WORDS: 1140 TAG: @aggie NOTES: m O t I v A t I o N TOTAL WORDS: 3408 HAVE YOU SEEN HER? HAVE YOU HEARD? THE WAY SHE MOVES, THERE ARE NO WORDS For whatever reason, even in her sorry state, Carmim still couldn't see Aegle as this crooked, broken, thing she saw herself as. She couldn't. No matter how obvious it was that she was twisted and lumpy in all the wrong places, like a drum that hadn't been chiseled down and sanded yet. In the little redhead's eyes, Aegle couldn't have been any less crippled and pitiful- she was stronger than most people Carmim knew, and had a spirit that was alive with fervor and life. And yet, now, that energetic spirit was crumpled up and sobbing into her shirt. Her words didn't seem to do much but remind Aegle where she was, and by extension, let her know where to cling. She didn't mind, no matter how tightly the other girl held onto her. That was why she was there, after all- Eva had been her rock a few days ago, when she'd broken down like this, and now it was her turn to be there for her roommate. As she mentioned Kishka, Aegle's small form shook like she'd just gotten a cold chill down her spine, before she shook her head, as plaintively and miserably as a head could be shaken. Right. Not that, then. But what? She started to ask again, but before she could, Aegle damn near broke her heart. Why me? She didn't have an answer. And even if she had one, she was the least qualified to offer one- she'd asked herself the same thing ever since she'd been flung into the forest. For her to answer Aegle, she'd first have to be able to answer herself, and she still couldn't do that, even though she'd long gotten over the aching in her chest, agonizing over the decision. But the rest of what Aegle said... She squeezed her friend a little tighter, pulling her a hair closer in their embrace. "Aegle..." But she continued, and Carmim let her. She was this upset about her draft choices? It was hard to understand, but it was slowly dawning on her. Aegle hadn't wanted to choose anyone. Like, at all. She had to take Jackie and Nasrin, for some reason or another, but she'd have preferred it if Eva and Kishka had been on Colton's team. Would've preferred it if Carmim had been on Colton's team. The thought of that stung just a little. She didn't dislike Colton, or anyone on his team, but she hadn't practically begged Aegle to take her for nothing. Ever since they'd met... Ever since that first sparring match... Ughhh, it was hard sometimes. Feelings. They were hard. They made things harder than they needed to be. Catching Aegle halfway through her half-finished sentence, she nudged her fuzzy-haired head off of her shoulder, took said fuzzy head in her hands, by Aegle's tear-streaked cheeks, and closed her eyes, before firmly planting her lips on Aegle's, before she could possibly have time to object. It was a very sweet kiss, tender and gentle, full of love and care. In theory, this would surprise her enough to stop her from crying, and dammit, she needed a second to breathe anyways, and holy fuck, she had been waiting a long time to do that, and- Yeah, that didn't actually happen. But for a moment, Carmim was lost in her brief daydream. She didn't have a tenth of the nerve she needed to pull off a stunt like that, no matter how well it always worked in her favorite movies and soap operas. Instead, she just continued to hold Aegle as she cried into her shoulder, thinking as hard as her little brain could think about what to say to make things better. It only got more confusing as the crying girl caught her attention once more, saying a handful of numbers. Sixteen and five? Twenty and one? What? Oh no, she was in the gibberish phase of having a breakdown. This needed a solution, and fast. "Aegle, nobody hates you. And please do not call yourself a coward, or a crazy cripple. You are better t'an all of t'ose t'ings. I don't know why you got picked to be t'e leader, but t'ey must have seen somet'ing in you t'at you just don't see yet! You are strong, and kind, and you have a beautiful heart." She paused for a moment, reflecting on what was probably a poor choice of words, knowing Aegle's self-deprecatory tendencies. "I t'ink you did a great job putting our class toget'er. I wish T'eia was in our class too, but I know she won't be mad at you for not picking her. You did what you t'ought was best. T'ough... If you had not picked me..." She sighed, inhaling through her nose, in a slightly dramatized gesture. "I t'ink I would have been mad at you for t'at. I don't know why you t'ink everyone would be better off with Colton- I would be wit' you even if it meant having to run to class chased by angry alligators every day. You are my friend. And my roommate. And maybe even-" Her face lit up like a stop sign, before she hastily changed the subject, her voice a little higher in pitch, and a little faster-paced. "M-my point is, Aegle, you might not feel like a leader. And you might not want to be a leader. But you are one, now. I know it is very scary... I was scared when I got picked as t'e rank one during midterms... But don't ever forget. You can only be brave when you're scared. So it is okay to be afraid, as long as it doesn't keep you from what needs doing." She smiled, taking Aegle's hand into hers and giving it a light squeeze. Those were Aegle's words to her, not all that long ago. They helped her survive Midterms, and they had gotten her through the Argus Limited, before that. She hoped they would get the poor thing leaning against her through this, right now. No matter what Aegle thought of herself, Carmim could see the real Aegle, shining brightly past all the doubts and insecurities that weighed her down more than any metal ever could. Hell, it took an immense strength of character to even still be in Haven- she had nearly gotten killed defending the city walls, had a literal heart attack in class, and spent so many long nights in the gym, getting floored by exhaustion, it was a wonder she hadn't died of a second heart attack by now- knock on wood. Even the night before, Nasrin had had to drag Aegle home after a late night of self-abuse. If Aegle couldn't see that strength in herself, Carmim was just going to have to make her see it.

LAIKA OF GS!

[Aegle Verdant]

There were few things less reassuring than having one's own ill conceived advice repeated back to them. Which wasn't to say that Aegle hadn't earnestly believed what she'd told Carmim on the subject of bravery, nor that she hadn't believed it when her brother had said it to her to begin with. Yet those words of advice seemed to ring especially hollow to the crooked girl's distraught ears. Not the least of which because she wasn't so much scared of all the responsibility which had been heaped down upon her as she was utterly convinced she was not prepared nor suited to it. She wasn't scared, because she knew she would just end up letting everyone down, and had known it even as she was deciding who to pick for her team.

Aegle had known, even as she chose them, that she was going to let them down. That wasn't fear, that wasn't a lack of courage, that was simply the arithmetic of what she'd been made to do.

Still, something in the calm and confident way Carmim said it, the certainty in her tone, if a bit strained by the extremity of her emotion, was enough to convince Aegle it might all actually be true. Though she could not rightfully make herself believe that nobody would hate her for making them a part of her team, or that they might not come to hate her when the realized just how terrible a prospect that was, Carmim's reassurances still found her feeling a little less raw, a little less rung out. Like, even when her teammates did inevitably come to hate and resent her, she might at least have one person in her corner to help make that burden a bit easier to bear.

After some time, Aegle became aware of a slight pressure on her hands. Raising her head minutely, she found Carmim was holding them. There was something almost painful in that reassurance, in the sudden mingled want to pull her hands from her friend's grip, and to once again bury herself in Carmim's arms. She was reminded, quite painfully, of just how much she hated her body, how repulsive she found every part of it, and could not help but link that distaste with the shame and embarrassment of having broken down in so dramatic a fashion. She raised her head a little higher, and saw the concern as it played across Carmim's face, the worry and the hurt in her crimson eyes as she watched Aegle's emotional extremity. That sense of shame redoubled then, and was tinged even more my a sense of guilt and regret for having let this ugly side of herself be seen, for making her weakness Carmim's problem.

Shuddering out a quiet, uneven breath, Aegle pulled herself close again. She almost hid herself against Carmim, so that her face was tucked under the shorter girl's jaw, so that she couldn't see the fresh wave of tears as it welled up in her blood-shot emerald eyes.

She didn't deserve Carmim, and Carmim definitely didn't deserve her.

"Y'must think I'm some sorta crybaby..." Aegle muttered quietly, after a time. As though it was unreasonable for her to have been weeping over all that had happened, as though she earnestly believed it was. Part of her did believe it, in fact, that this whole outburst was an entirely disproportionate response to stimuli a normal, well adjusted person would have borne gracefully, but which was fit to buckle the feeble resolve on one so crooked and wretched as herself.
"M'sorry. M'feelin' much better now..." Her hoarse voice lent a note of irony to the statement, which Aegle did her best to ignore. Despite her words however, she didn't actually try to pull away from Carmim for several seconds. She... Liked the warmth and the softness of Carmim's body against her own, as much as she hated having her own wasted flesh against it, feeling almost as though she might contaminate her friend were they both not careful. Eventually, her own disgust for her body won out however. As if every moment of contact was a moment less before Carmim noticed how disgusting and crooked and ungainly she was, Aegle carefully drew back. She didn't meet Carmim's eyes as she did it, as she disentangled her trembling hand from the smaller girl's grip, and scraped ineffectually at the tears which still wet her cheeks.
"Thank you Carmim," She said and then, again, "M'feelin' much better."
Aegle tried a smile, and even managed to keep her revulsion and her guilt secreted behind it. She didn't meet her friend's eyes though, but returned to scraping at her wet eyes and glossy cheeks.

---

words - 785
total - 3,689

[Carmim Clover]

❝ WORDS: 961 TAG: @c+a=cute NOTES: haha lemme just distract u with food and harrowing life and death survival memories TOTAL WORDS: 4369 HAVE YOU SEEN HER? HAVE YOU HEARD? THE WAY SHE MOVES, THERE ARE NO WORDS Days could have passed in the silence that stilled the air in that gym. But still, the little redheaded girl clung to her very, very, sad friend, trying her best to make things better. But it seemed Aegle was as stubborn as she was, and now she was suddenly painfully aware of how Eva had felt in the forest, trying to comfort her when she absolutely refused to be comforted. Hell, she still wasn't entirely ready to give up on the idea that she wasn't supposed to be top ranked in their class- and with Ruqa in the Green Class, she was even more painfully aware of the fact that now she was the highest ranked student in Red Class, with no comforting asterisk that says "nope, Ruqa's still the best." Not even bringing down three Nevermore Chicks alone had made her feel better about that, not even beating the Beowolf Alpha. But she couldn't let herself get caught up in all that. Not again. She had Aegle to think about. Right now, the not-quite bald girl needed her. Especially when she spoke up, feeling bad about being sad. Carmim shook her head emphatically. "You are not a crybaby. Everybody needs to cry sometimes, it is okay." And like magic, the scrappy little underdog was cured! Suddenly, she was feeling better, and that had to be true, because she said she felt better. And Aegle had a great track record for emotional honesty and letting herself be vulnerable. Bullshit, she was fine. But Carmim didn't say anything, just smiled at Aegle, and continued to hold onto her, until the other girl slowly pulled away. Carmim reflexively leaned in, to hold on a little longer, but only for a hair of a second- her own selfish wants. If Aegle wanted to pull away, she would let her. But now that she was freed up from the long-lasting embrace, she had a more easy route to the original purpose of her visit. Or well, the stated reason- she had known damn well that Aegle wasn't doing okay, even if she hadn't why, or that it was this bad. But pizza? Nobody could be sad, eating pizza. She hoped. She stepped over to where she had set down the long-awaited food, before returning to Aegle with them, still smiling. "Good. But you don't need to be in any hurry to feel better, if you don't yet." She knew as well as she could what Aegle was doing, and she wasn't going to stop her from pretending to be okay, but she also wasn't going to let Aegle think she'd been duped that easily. She sat back down by her friend, and gestured broadly at the three boxes she'd laid out before her. "In t'e meantime, I figured you might be hungry! So I brought parmesan broccoli and salmon, steak with blue cheese and banana peppers, and tomato-feta-pineapple with soy sauce. Make sure you eat somet'ing, okay?" Never the one to forget about food, Carmim tucked into a slice of the steak pizza first, relishing the oddly satisfying combination of flavors. Hopefully Aegle wasn't as picky as Jackie and Nasrin were about pizza- she still hadn't quite gotten used to the fact that most people ordered their pizzas very simple and plain. Why? Who would want boring pepperoni when they could have blue cheese and banana peppers? It boggled her mind. A mind that was already overworked and underpaid! Chewing thoughtfully on her pizza, after a few moments, she smiled over at Aegle again. "Oh, I never got to ask you- how was your Midterms? I tried to find you, but t'e forest was way too big. You passed, t'ough, yeah?" She took another bite of her pizza, hoping Midterms wasn't as unpleasant a topic for Aegle as the draft was. Which was dumb logic, but she did want to talk about something that made her friend a little less depressed. "I passed, but barely- it was scary out t'ere at times! I'm glad everyone all made it out okay, t'ough." She thought back on her Midterms experience. From sobbing into Eva's chest, to briefly helping some angry guy kill a bunch of Beowolves, to interrupting Nasrin and Jackie's campsite, to killing the Alpha, to running into Ryan, to falling out of the tree, to bumping into Niraya, to... She remembered the confession she'd told the fox faunus, and her face blushed a deep red for a moment, where she was definitely not capable of looking at Aegle. She did anyways. Maybe Aegle couldn't see it in herself, because of all the lumps and bumps, and gnarled bones, and skeletal joints, but Carmim thought of Aegle as much more beautiful than she'd ever see herself as. She had a light in her eyes that shone, even when she was sad, and a glistening smile that lit up the room, even when she didn't mean it, but especially when she did. And the little fuzzy patch of hazel starting to sprout atop her head, just thin enough to see. She wasn't conventionally pretty, not like Theia or Eva, but Carmim was far from conventional, if her taste in pizza said anything about her at all. It was funny, though- she had just blurted out her feelings to Niraya, which were admittedly not very well-formed, and definitely a little bit immature, not tempered by wisdom or age at all. But she couldn't bring herself to say anything to Aegle about them. Not yet. Even though that was the one person she wanted most to tell about them! It was frustrating. Feelings can be so hard. Why couldn't they just be simple...?

LAIKA OF GS!

[Aegle Verdant]

Aegle eyed the boxes of pizza mistrustfully. The last thing she wanted just then was food, whatever she might have said on the class chat, and Carm's idea of 'food' wasn't exactly something to appeal to her appetite at the best of times. She considered, as she scrubbed futilely at her cheeks and eyes, the coarse roughness of her wraps making her face raw with the insistence of her rubbing, that she could just get back to training. The thought of returning to breathlessly beating the bag with Carmim there, meting out her frustration and her impotent fury, filled her with a strange feeling. A feeling not unlike that derived from crying in front of her roommate. Like to do so would somehow put the lie to whatever facade of emotional stability she was trying to put on. So, instead, for reasons she couldn't put words to, Aegle sat down beside her friend instead, as she tucked into a slice of pizza which might have been reckoned a war-crime by most in the civilized world.

Still feeling raw, like the top layer had been peeled away from some ephemeral but vital part of her, leaving the pink interior exposed to whatever harshness the world had to offer, Aegle watched her friend eat her abnormal pizza. She didn't like the way Carm made her feel. Realized, acutely, how much it had complicated their relationship. It would have been simpler, easier, if they could have remained as friends, or even simply roommates. If the fundamental shift in the way Aegle viewed the redhead had never happened, if she'd not come for feel this sense of responsibility and affection towards her...
'If being around her was less like being around Theia or my brothers...' Except it wasn't quite the same, and Aegle knew it. The feeling of obligation, the worry for how what she did might affect them, the need to make decisions based on what was in their best interests... These were all common traits in how she viewed Carm, Theia, and her siblings. Yet, Theia had that final quality which Carmim lacked, that sense that she understood things better than Aegle did. That she knew things about the way the world worked, and that her opinions and advice could be trusted. Aegle might as easily take what Theia said for granted as she would any piece of advice Aaron had ever given her.

Carmim, however... Carmim seemed just as clueless as Aegle felt. She was unworldly and innocent in a way that the crooked girl couldn't wholly account for, more like Eva than Theia. It was a noble quality in a way, an enviable one. Despite what had been a hard life, likely as hard as Aegle's, she'd turned out hopeful and optimistic. Both qualities had a certain air of naivete to them, but they also made Carmim so incredibly likable to Aegle's eyes. She might not have the sense or the experience to spout aphorisms or fundamental truths, the way Vulcan and Paeon might, nor had she overcome hardship and adversity in extreme, sufficient to supply coping mechanisms the way Aaron or Theia could. Yet there was still a strength to Carmim, like her optimism had more than a hint of willful defiance to it, like she was determined to see the world a certain way, and would not let petty things like facts and details get in the way of her idealism. It was a strength which Aegle wanted, thirsting for despite suspicions of its poisoned source. It made her want to be around Carm, despite all evidence to suggest she didn't really know what she was talking about. It made her want to believe Carm, when she said things with the utmost certainty despite possessing no real way of knowing if they were true.

More over, it made her like Carmim. It made Aegle want to be like her and, failing that, be with her. Not the way she wanted to be like her brothers or Theia, the way she wanted to be with them. Not because she thought Carm could make her better, or show her a better way, but because Carm reassured her that maybe she didn't need to be any better, that maybe it was okay to just enjoy being how she was.
'Nah, that's not quite it,' Aegle thought, 'But its close enough.'
Truth was, Aegle couldn't have said exactly how Carm was different than Theia, than her brothers, only that she was. That some quality of her's filled Aegle with a hope she couldn't get from anyone else, and that said quality had attracted her fundamentally to who Carmim was...

"Oh," Carm murmured, staring intently down at her slice of pizza. Had she noticed Aegle staring, or was something else keeping her from meeting the crooked girl's gaze? "I never got to ask you; How was your Midterms?"
She risked a glance at Aegle, proffered a wary sort of smile, then returned to eyeing her pizza, "I tried to find you, but t'e forest was way too big. You passed, t'ough, yeah?"
Aegle saw at once that this was Carm's olive branch. As much an olive branch as the pizza. It was an offer to change the subject, to move away from the painful reasons for everything that had preceded, to pretend none of it had happened. That Aegle wasn't an emotional wreck, wholly incapable of admitting her own emotional turmoil to someone she, for all intents and purposes, trusted more than anyone else on the continent. That she hadn't been bawling her eyes out just a minute before, that she might not start bawling again at the drop of a hat. It gave Aegle a tight sort of feeling in her chest, and her shame at her own behavior sprang once more to the fore of her mind.
"I passed," Carmim continued, though Aegle had not asked, "But barely."
An expression, difficult to read, twitched ever so briefly across the red head's pale face, "It was scary out t'ere at times! I'm glad everyone all made it out okay, t'ough."

Aegle thought for a moment. She thought of those seminal, those foundation moments in her exam, the repercussions and implications of which she was still trying to parse. She thought of Nik and the Ursa Major, the fight with the Boarbatusk, a campfire lit conversation with Qiu'li and Alexandros, and an unexpected run in with Theia which had helped to contextualize so much of what came before. Aegle remembered that last thing best of all, not for the profundities it had brought to the fore, but for something she'd said to the older girl, an admission she'd made which Theia had not quite taken the whole meaning of. An admission she'd made to Carm as well, not a week before the exam, and which Carm had also not fully appreciated as Aegle had hoped she might. And then, after a moment, Aegle let herself smile.

Blinking quickly, the crooked girl shook her head, sighed, and slowly lowered herself down. Without a word, she slumped into Carm's shoulder, then slumped past it, until her own shoulder found the floor, and her head came to rest in her friend's lap.
She did it, as though that might be her answer to Carmim's question. That her collapsing against her closest friend, using her lap as a pillow, might some how express all she had to express about the midterms, and what they meant for Aegle going forward.

"Was good." Aegle said quietly, after a time. Her voice came out hoarse and raw, sounding once more on the verge of tears.
'I almost died twice, and told two complete strangers things I've never admitted to anyone. Then I told my friend how much I like her, right before making sure she wasn't on my team.'
But Aegle knew at once that such harsh thoughts were a product of her world weary state of mind, knew that some good had come out of the midterms too. One good, especially.
"Passed, and helped Qiu'li and Alex t'pass as well." It didn't feel like she'd deserved to pass, not when it had been Nik who'd killed the Ursa, Alexandros who'd killed the Boarbatusk, when all she'd done for either was distract them; Going off the Grimm she'd killed herself, Aegle shouldn't have passed at all. Yet she'd done more than help Alex pass, and she knew it. She'd saved his life, or so he'd told her, and she was wont to agree. It was a funny thought, that she could have saved the life of someone so much better suited to hunting than she was.
"Got to talkin' with Qiu'li, y'know, 'bout what it means t'be strong. Told'm I ain't really much of one for strength, aye? But that I reckoned strong was havin' some purpose worth the workin' toward."
Aegle swallowed, falling into a pensive silence, as she waited for the rising hammer of her heart to ease back down. She didn't have that something just yet, that purpose, and wasn't sure about where even to look for it anymore. She wasn't sure she even had more to say about it, wasn't even sure why she'd brought it up. After a moment, Aegle decided to switch gears, though she didn't exactly change the subject, but rather moved onto a path tangentially related.
"Life's real short, aye?" She asked quietly, rhetorically of course, though she turned her head minutely so as to steal a glance up at Carmim.
"Too short, I reckon, t'say only part've what y'mean, or else t'do what y'don't really believe in."

Letting her head fall back down, Aegle closed her eyes, as though to shut out something she didn't want to see. After a moment, that guarded expression softened into one more contemplative.
"M'gonna try t'do better, I reckon, at sayin' what I really mean." Nevermind how she'd just done the exact opposite only a few minutes prior. Deciding to do something and doing it weren't the same thing, after all.
'Y'can decide t'fly, that don't give ya wings. No more 'n y'can stay awake by decidin' not to sleep...'
"S'all y'really can do, in the end. Try to do better with the time y'have left..."
'Sixteen and five...'
"I don't wanna make 'doin' better' my purpose, y'ken? S'not somethin' what'd feel right to me," Aegle, laying on her side, shrugged her shoulders minutely, "But so long as I don't know a better purpose, I reckon it's worth strivin' for."

"M'ramblin' though, and that t'ain't really what y'asked, now is it?" Aegle put in a tiny smile, "I'm real bad, I reckon, at answerin' the questions what people ask me, aye? Even when I'm tryin' t'be honest."
There was a note of melancholy to her tone, one she'd not really intended by had which crept in anyway. Aegle flicked her head slightly, as though she might be able to shake free something holding onto her mind.
"Midterms were good. I passed, and I helped others t'pass; S'the first time in a long while I haven't felt..." Aegle trailed off.
'Felt like what?' she wondered, searching for the word, 'Miserable? Hopeless? Like my life's pointless and headed nowhere?'
Some part of her sensed that might be more honest than she was prepared to share, recent promises of transparency not withstanding, and that, even if she did have the nerve to say it, that any such statements would require context to make all that much sense.
"I felt, for the first time, like somethin' I was good at could actually be of some use." Aegle finally said, though even that felt inadequate, and didn't seem to convey the importance of the discovery in question.
After a moment, Aegle added, "I think I enjoy fightin'." as though it were somehow related.

---

words - 1,979
total - 5,668

[Carmim Clover]

❝ WORDS: 1969 TAG: @apple NOTES: u can do it! TOTAL WORDS: 6338 HAVE YOU SEEN HER? HAVE YOU HEARD? THE WAY SHE MOVES, THERE ARE NO WORDS For a long moment, Carmim was unsure if Aegle had taken her questions and comments about midterms well. Or if she'd heard them at all, honestly- the crooked girl stared blankly into the void for longer than felt entirely normal (though not abnormal in the least, for Aegle- that much, Carmim had come to learn about her roommate) before seemingly snapping back to reality. And then, wordlessly, her head drooped onto the redhead's shoulder. And then past it. It was now Carmim's turn to blink in surprise, as Aegle's head came to rest on her lap- fortunately, she was fast enough to move her pizza out of the way, before Aegle ended up with a regrettable amount of mismatched toppings smeared on her face. But aside from the pizza-moving reflex, she was at a loss for a reaction here. Aegle didn't just plop her head in her lap all willy-nilly. In fact, to her memory, Aegle hadn't done so before- she wasn't so dumb as to not catch on to the fact that the bald girl seemed averse to being touched, in spite of allowing her to do so far more often than most. She cringed away from simple things, like hugs, so for her to lay in her lap was a pretty significant thing, at least in Carmim's mind. And it was also a lot more physical contact than she had been expecting. Her face flushed a dark crimson for a few seconds, before the surprise wore off, and she just smiled, reaching with her free hand to lightly stroke the little stubble that was growing in where previously nothing had seemed to grow before. It was cute- if something could feel cute, that was what Aegle's hair felt like to her, and her smile widened as she grazed her hand across the prickly-yet-soft fuzz. She almost missed Aegle's choked up answer to her question; it was so quiet, and she was definitely a little distracted now. "Yeah?" A bit of light encouragement for her to continue, expanding beyond the short answer she'd given. But she was glad that it was good. Aegle didn't need more stressful things going on in her life- a bit of excitement, maybe even fun, during the midterms was a drop in the bucket of all the happiness that she deserved, but so rarely allowed herself to enjoy. Her friend continued, and the redhead's smile brightened as she spoke. It sounded like she'd had a much better time than the poor upset drummer. Her midterms had been quite stressful, to say the least, but some moments were really nice, in retrospect. And, after talking to Eva after midterms, she had finally worked past her grievances with Qiu'li, and his wandering, but ultimately harmless, eyes. He had her blessing to date her best friend forever, and she was glad he was in the Red Class. Alex, too- she hadn't forgotten their first interactions together, so long ago. Knowing that Aegle had other good friends like them was nice- people who could support her and help her be the best that she could be. It was something she tried to do too, as much as she could- she couldn't put a finger on it, exactly, but she felt a burning need to see Aegle thrive and do well for herself. It was an odd feeling she'd been dealing with for days now, and it was abundantly clear that those feelings were only growing stronger. She'd never felt this way about someone else before, and she wasn't even sure, herself, what to call them. She cared about all of her friends, and would do damn near anything for any of them, at the drop of a hat- that's just who she was, how she functioned as a person. But Aegle was different. In a different category. She was something else entirely, and there might not even be a word for it. Carmim felt compelled to care for her. More than her other friends. More than herself. Not out of pity or anything, either- she'd never once pitied Aegle. Who could? She might be broken, with a bad heart, and knotted joints and bones, but she was one of the strongest people Carmim had met. It took an incredible strength just to be Aegle. To take all the world had to throw at her, and laugh it off, brush it away with a grin, even if it was fake. There was strength in that. She knew Aegle was destined for great things, even if the little punch gremlin couldn't see it for herself. That's why when Aegle said she wasn't much for strength, Carmim just smiled, a shred of amusement in her eyes of red. Aegle didn't know her own strength. And yet, her answer to Qiu'li's question reflected it so simply, so earnestly, that it was funny how Aegle couldn't yet see it for herself. Because if working towards a purpose was what Aegle saw as strength, then she was stronger than anyone else at the Academy- stronger than Carmim, stronger than Qiu'li, stronger than Colton, stronger than anyone. The girl with the fuzzy head abruptly veered off on a tangent, and Carmim sat there, playing with her short, soft, hair as she listened. It seemed like that was what Aegle needed most at the moment- someone to listen to. Which wasn't always what Carmim was the best at, but for Aegle, she could stay quiet and just listen. It wasn't hard to do, when it was Aegle's raspy, quirky, voice she was listening to. It made her think of wooden windchimes and balafon music- percussive and a little crunchy, but very melodic and pleasant, all at once. She could listen to her talk forever. The little redhead wasn't entirely sure what Aegle meant, exactly, but she knew it was a very deep, meaningful statement. Life was too short to say only part of what you meant, or to do what you don't believe in... The wisdom in that flew right over Carmim's head, but it sounded extremely profound, and she didn't imagine she'd forget those words any time soon. To her, they seemed to be about making decisions with confidence, without regrets. Or maybe without needing to regret anything? And something about being honest with yourself, which seemed like advice that Aegle definitely needed to start giving herself. She nodded along, agreeing wholeheartedly with her roommate's words. Something in them resonated with her, just as something else in them carried a bit of sadness that she couldn't quite place. Trying to be better. It was a good pursuit. Carmim paused to think about her own purpose. It was nowhere near as grand and philosophical as Aegle's- betterment of self was a noble goal, even if it wasn't exactly the right fit for Aegle (though she questioned whether Aegle was right about that or not). She just wanted to pick up the skills and training to go back home and keep her family safe. She hoped they were doing okay... It had been a very long time since she'd heard from them, especially because their village had become more nomadic since the attacks- they had been forced to pack up and move, ceding that sacred, old, ground forged by her ancestors, to the Grimm and the bandits. It made letter-writing a hard task, but she still made sure to write and send them once every week or two, to let everybody know she was okay. Although, it certainly would be nice if she could have gotten more letters returned to her... She'd even had Eva and Aegle help her make sure the addresses were written neatly and accurately, so whoever was delivering mail in Vacuo could possibly track them down for her. She doubted any of the letters made it to them, though- Vacuo was a big place, and finding a village on wheels was a difficult prospect. Some day, they wouldn't have to stay on the move anymore, though. Some day, she would return, the second Desert Shield of Vacuo. And she would keep everybody safe. Would Aegle go with her, she wondered? When they graduated, and she left to pursue her own purpose? She hoped so. It would be lonely without her. She giggled a little, light and airy, as Aegle finally caught herself and brought her rambling home. But there was still a hint of that sadness in her voice. Maybe it was just all the tears she'd already shed that night, but Carmim felt like there was something more to it than that. But she didn't want Aegle to be sad, so she decided to leave it alone for the moment, as the other girl described her midterms trials and experiences. And what she said struck a chord with the drummer. Had Aegle not felt useful before Midterms? Carmim hadn't. And she didn't realize it until she was thrown into the thick of things. It was honestly still something she struggled with- she knew that her semblance was useful, in some situations, but what good was a big gun if the gunner was helpless without it? And seeing Solomon during the midterms... She felt a brief sort of kinship, amidst their very brief interaction. A semblance that was only good for destruction... It was the opposite of her uncle's, and that did make her feel a little unworthy of her purpose. A person's semblance was supposedly a window into their soul- was her soul one of devastation and ruin, rather than one of protection and safety, like Nasrin's? She supposed maybe she wasn't alone in having a semblance that was almost exclusively useful for combat- Solomon, Nik... But they were the only two examples that came to her mind, and they were both always angry. Was she supposed to be angry too? She didn't want to be angry all the time. She'd tried that on in Midterms, and it ended with her nearly getting beaten up by Jackie, and attracted a whole host of Grimm to ruin Jackie and Nasrin's camp. A semblance like Eva's, though... Or Nasrin's, or Alex's, or Kishka's, or even her new friend, Holly's. Any of those would have made her feel a little better. Something more versatile. Something meant for things other than pointing and destroying. She'd just have to learn to make due with what she could do, instead of wishing for things she couldn't have. She empathized with Aegle, for that. But the bald girl continued, and her epiphany, soft and understated, brought a smile to Carmim's face nonetheless. "You are good at it, too. Very good at it." She had to be- spending all her time in the gym, training away, until the wee hours of the morning. "You are good at lots of t'ings t'at you don't give yourself enough credit for." She took a thoughtful bite of her pizza. And another one, and another one. It was good pizza. And she was starving. Her eyes wandered up to Aegle's punching bag. It was special, here in the gym- lowered down to a very Aegle-appropriate height, and untouched by any other student. Every dent, crack, and lump in it was made by Aegle's fists. It didn't surprise Carmim a bit that Aegle enjoyed fighting. Not after their spar, weeks ago. Aegle may not be the best fighter at Haven, but she was damn scrappy, and Carmim had no doubt in her mind that that scrappiness, that refusal to give up, was why Van Sange had singled her out to be the leader of the Red Class. She was going to make a great leader, no matter what she thought of herself, or what anybody thought about her. Carmim believed in her.

LAIKA OF GS!

[Wolfe]

XP Distribution:


Carmim: 63

84 + 63 = 147 XP new total

Aegle: 56 - 5% (copy/paste dialogue counted as words over 100) = 53

406 + 53 = 459 XP new total