Post by Carmim Clover on Jan 25, 2020 21:02:07 GMT -5
Glitch deleted the Shadecloak post before this. Opener post in spoiler tags.
This announcement was in the largest and least used of the classrooms for the sake of space. Campus was a lot more active than usual, with maintenance staff of all stripes along with entire sections of the school being covered in crime scene taped and restricted for student access until further notice. Classes were delayed for another week, and instead the trainees involved with the events of either Rochdale or the Attack were interviewed both by police and school officials to get everyone’s side of the story. No surviving students ended up being charged with any crime… but the trio of Brigit, Arrats, and Carmim were close – the first two saved largely because the Headmaster got them good legal representation.
The reason why Brigit was not charged and expelled was due to the fact that the homicide she did was deemed justifiable – it was understandable to be mad enough to want to hurt someone who had attempted to kill you twice in the past hour. That was the easiest defense, really, and one that the Council accepted readily. Arrats got off because it was deemed understandable that a nineteen year old teenager would react with panic, fear, and confusion when exposed to a situation like the Attack and all aid rendered to Ferric and his story was due to that terror that unfortunately clouded his judgment. The question, then, was why the Academy had recruited someone who would crumble under pressure like that… but still, deflectable. They were desperate, after all, in the wake of The Fall. Carmim was in the least danger of being charged, largely because the excuse that she panicked and hesitated long enough for the notoriously fast and agile Qiu’li butchered villagers was accepted early on. Of course she panicked and froze, they reasoned, Qiu’li was strong and intimidating and she was a small girl unused to being close quarters with evil. She was the least imposing trainee under suspicion, and once Qiu’li’s photograph was flashed on the screen it all made sense to those who needed to be convinced.
”As all of you should be aware, there have been some events that have happened over winter break that have required some… changes to how we do things here.”
The professor started, up in front of the classroom with her usual three piece black suit and looking about as tired as some of the trainees felt. This was January 6th, only a few days after the events of Rochdale and the Attack… but some of the trainees were about to hear the gory details of what some of the trainees did in those events for the first time. Some of them had just come in that morning, and weren’t fully aware of what happened. It wasn’t her job to give a detailed recounting of what happened, but she did in fact have a job to do with this talk. This particular building was wood, like most of the classrooms, and the classroom was set up to where there were long desks that rose progressively higher the farther back in the classroom you sat. The podium was in the front of the class, with the wall behind it being connected to the hallway that was now much more active than usual on account of all the extra bodies on campus now.
”You’ll have a series of other meetings and things like that to discuss various parts of what happened in Rochdale and the Attack, but right now we’re going to talk about what happened with Qiu’li and Ferric. This discussion, frankly, is going to make some people angry – but that’s also the point.”
It wasn’t unprecedented, but it was also rare enough that it was assumed early on in the planning for the courses that the students of Haven Academy would act in good faith. This allowed the focus to be on protecting the students from Grimm and bandits, but that assumption was proven wrong.
”Let’s start with Ferric, full name Ferric Nayamasa. He was a Signal Academy graduate from the Vale who was noted to be mentally unstable, as with quite a number of the trainees we have here. Near as we can tell at this point, his motivation was for recognition – he felt as though he was someone who was special and deserving of respect and admiration and when he did not receive what he felt he was due… well, he decided he would take action.”
That assumption was proven wrong in a way that would ensure that Haven Academy would not make that mistake again for at least another generation. Standards had dropped low out of necessity, but there was a real concern that they were dropped too low, to allow them to be a factory of villains instead of huntsmen. If something like this happened again, it could very well mean curtains for the Huntsman Academy because Haven was so weak in this moment until the next class came in to bolster their numbers and provide them with the ability to support their kingdom more fully. There was a real danger that the Council would lose faith in the institution if it happened again, so it must be avoided at all costs.
”This action included but was not limited to burning down the Blue Class training facility with Slate Seraphine and Brigit Akane inside, coordinating with the medical intern Valko and Arrats Calanthe to get his hands on a combined twenty to twenty five doses of fire dust as well as ten to twelve doses of lightning dust. He then moved to the dormitory area with the dust that those two individuals handed him and left Braun von Baer in critical condition with third degree burns over over ninety percent of his body as a result of lightning dust exposure in his rampage of the dorms before being killed by Brigit Akane, who had escaped the fire in the training facility. Last I heard Braun is in surgery to try and save his life, but it’s not looking good for him. This was the event now known as the Attack on Haven, where people with identification cards belonging to Nikolas Burzanov and Carmim Clover belonging to the Order of Animan Nationalists infiltrated the school and successfully murdered Professor Lucian Van Sange. Rin and Erytheia Hellebore found the body, but arrived too late to actually see the suspects fleeing campus. That was actually Rin’s first hour on campus, providing the absolute worst first day of Huntsman Academy that I have ever heard of in my life.”
Sometimes the best way to iterate how fucking awful a situation is was to just say what had happened. Nothing sounded uglier or more damning than the truth, after all, especially in cases like this. Shade had a reliably bored sounding voice, with some trainees viewing that monotone and detached sound as meaning one thing or another. Even when giving a presentation like this, the tone remained as one note as ever. Cold, green eyes looked right at Arrats as she continued… which were filled with absolute scorn and disgust, which was something very rarely shown outwardly by Shade. Her tone was still the same, however, and the glare only lasted a moment before she looked more generally at the rest of the trainees.
”We have some information of both a temporary employee of the school and a trainee sitting in this room assisting in that endeavor, likely unwittingly due to a nervous breakdown and complying with commands from strangers. If Braun ends up dying, they share some of the blame for covering up for Ferric in the moment of confusion where Braun fought bravely and weakened the terrorist’s aura enough for Brigit to finish the job. The only reason it even came to that was the immense amount of dust checked out and given to the lunatic, which brings me to the next point.”
”Many of you may have seen their official statement on the Attack before coming here – which proves that this was a targeted attack on Van Sange in particular for some of the things that he did when working as a mercenary. It was a case of contracted killers hired to murder another contracted killer, and they didn’t get in without help. Of the two trainees who aided and abetted the terrorists, one of which died soiling themselves while being ripped to shreds by a number of edged weapons. The second, well, we’ll get to that later. Valko has been fired for his role, whether unwitting or intentional, and is currently undergoing interrogation by the Mistral Police and may end up criminally charged for his actions taken during the event.”
There was a sigh, here, and the woman’s right hand went to her forehead to adjust her green bangs before going forward with the next item she was supposed to cover. This wasn’t something that she enjoyed doing, obviously, but the band-aid needed to be pulled off at some point. There was a time and place for secrets, but in a time like this it didn’t exactly help anyone and indeed would only hurt what little trust and faith the trainees had for the school that remained.
”Next we have Qiu’li, who appeared to have bludgeoned one elderly man with no aura to death after crushing the hand, wrist, and forearm of the victim as well as go well out of his way to give a list of injuries to another civilian that included but was not limited to two shattered kneecaps, all tendons torn in both knees, a skull fracture, a concussion, as well as the further chaining of the victim by his shattered and crippled knees in the air after the second one made the crime of running away in terror from the trainee.”
Another pause, and another adjustment of the bangs. Tone remained unchanged, and body language suggested she might as well have been reading the nutrient list for cereal in that moment.
”Frankly, in the grand scheme of things none of these crimes are very impressive. A first year trainee, a middle aged and crippled criminal, an elderly man, and a fleeing villager is not the kill list of anyone particularly good. In fact, to go through all of the effort that the murderers did in any of those cases it’s pretty pathetic that this was all they came away with… but it could have been even less than that. Most of you here will come away from this thinking that Ferric and Qiu’li were outliers – psychopaths who are fundamentally different from you to such a degree that you never have to worry about having your hands stained like they were. That would be the most idiotic thing you could take from this, especially because the trainees mentioned earlier were not the only ones who aided and abetted murder.”
Another, longer pause, filled the air. She had already called out one of the criminally implicated trainees by name but didn’t actually name the second one. She did, however, stare with cold green eyes directly at Carmim as she said the next words. There was no use hiding it, because secrets were dangerous when it came to things like this and there was information that the school frankly didn’t have about this scenario. Due to the city being in ruins and swarmed by Grimm for the foreseeable future, the only thing they had to go on was the testimony of other trainees who were there… and they had differing levels of culpability for the Vacuo native. It was clear she was involved, but it was not clear just how much.
”There’s a great quote that goes something like this: If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor. If an elephant has its foot on the tail of a mouse and you say that you are neutral, the mouse will not appreciate your neutrality. In the same way, if people are murdered right before your eyes and you choose not to stop the action – the fact that you did nothing will not comfort either the survivors or the witnesses. Choosing to do nothing in the face of injustice is a choice, made like any other. The choice of a coward.”
The reason why Brigit was not charged and expelled was due to the fact that the homicide she did was deemed justifiable – it was understandable to be mad enough to want to hurt someone who had attempted to kill you twice in the past hour. That was the easiest defense, really, and one that the Council accepted readily. Arrats got off because it was deemed understandable that a nineteen year old teenager would react with panic, fear, and confusion when exposed to a situation like the Attack and all aid rendered to Ferric and his story was due to that terror that unfortunately clouded his judgment. The question, then, was why the Academy had recruited someone who would crumble under pressure like that… but still, deflectable. They were desperate, after all, in the wake of The Fall. Carmim was in the least danger of being charged, largely because the excuse that she panicked and hesitated long enough for the notoriously fast and agile Qiu’li butchered villagers was accepted early on. Of course she panicked and froze, they reasoned, Qiu’li was strong and intimidating and she was a small girl unused to being close quarters with evil. She was the least imposing trainee under suspicion, and once Qiu’li’s photograph was flashed on the screen it all made sense to those who needed to be convinced.
”As all of you should be aware, there have been some events that have happened over winter break that have required some… changes to how we do things here.”
The professor started, up in front of the classroom with her usual three piece black suit and looking about as tired as some of the trainees felt. This was January 6th, only a few days after the events of Rochdale and the Attack… but some of the trainees were about to hear the gory details of what some of the trainees did in those events for the first time. Some of them had just come in that morning, and weren’t fully aware of what happened. It wasn’t her job to give a detailed recounting of what happened, but she did in fact have a job to do with this talk. This particular building was wood, like most of the classrooms, and the classroom was set up to where there were long desks that rose progressively higher the farther back in the classroom you sat. The podium was in the front of the class, with the wall behind it being connected to the hallway that was now much more active than usual on account of all the extra bodies on campus now.
”You’ll have a series of other meetings and things like that to discuss various parts of what happened in Rochdale and the Attack, but right now we’re going to talk about what happened with Qiu’li and Ferric. This discussion, frankly, is going to make some people angry – but that’s also the point.”
It wasn’t unprecedented, but it was also rare enough that it was assumed early on in the planning for the courses that the students of Haven Academy would act in good faith. This allowed the focus to be on protecting the students from Grimm and bandits, but that assumption was proven wrong.
”Let’s start with Ferric, full name Ferric Nayamasa. He was a Signal Academy graduate from the Vale who was noted to be mentally unstable, as with quite a number of the trainees we have here. Near as we can tell at this point, his motivation was for recognition – he felt as though he was someone who was special and deserving of respect and admiration and when he did not receive what he felt he was due… well, he decided he would take action.”
That assumption was proven wrong in a way that would ensure that Haven Academy would not make that mistake again for at least another generation. Standards had dropped low out of necessity, but there was a real concern that they were dropped too low, to allow them to be a factory of villains instead of huntsmen. If something like this happened again, it could very well mean curtains for the Huntsman Academy because Haven was so weak in this moment until the next class came in to bolster their numbers and provide them with the ability to support their kingdom more fully. There was a real danger that the Council would lose faith in the institution if it happened again, so it must be avoided at all costs.
”This action included but was not limited to burning down the Blue Class training facility with Slate Seraphine and Brigit Akane inside, coordinating with the medical intern Valko and Arrats Calanthe to get his hands on a combined twenty to twenty five doses of fire dust as well as ten to twelve doses of lightning dust. He then moved to the dormitory area with the dust that those two individuals handed him and left Braun von Baer in critical condition with third degree burns over over ninety percent of his body as a result of lightning dust exposure in his rampage of the dorms before being killed by Brigit Akane, who had escaped the fire in the training facility. Last I heard Braun is in surgery to try and save his life, but it’s not looking good for him. This was the event now known as the Attack on Haven, where people with identification cards belonging to Nikolas Burzanov and Carmim Clover belonging to the Order of Animan Nationalists infiltrated the school and successfully murdered Professor Lucian Van Sange. Rin and Erytheia Hellebore found the body, but arrived too late to actually see the suspects fleeing campus. That was actually Rin’s first hour on campus, providing the absolute worst first day of Huntsman Academy that I have ever heard of in my life.”
Sometimes the best way to iterate how fucking awful a situation is was to just say what had happened. Nothing sounded uglier or more damning than the truth, after all, especially in cases like this. Shade had a reliably bored sounding voice, with some trainees viewing that monotone and detached sound as meaning one thing or another. Even when giving a presentation like this, the tone remained as one note as ever. Cold, green eyes looked right at Arrats as she continued… which were filled with absolute scorn and disgust, which was something very rarely shown outwardly by Shade. Her tone was still the same, however, and the glare only lasted a moment before she looked more generally at the rest of the trainees.
”We have some information of both a temporary employee of the school and a trainee sitting in this room assisting in that endeavor, likely unwittingly due to a nervous breakdown and complying with commands from strangers. If Braun ends up dying, they share some of the blame for covering up for Ferric in the moment of confusion where Braun fought bravely and weakened the terrorist’s aura enough for Brigit to finish the job. The only reason it even came to that was the immense amount of dust checked out and given to the lunatic, which brings me to the next point.”
”Many of you may have seen their official statement on the Attack before coming here – which proves that this was a targeted attack on Van Sange in particular for some of the things that he did when working as a mercenary. It was a case of contracted killers hired to murder another contracted killer, and they didn’t get in without help. Of the two trainees who aided and abetted the terrorists, one of which died soiling themselves while being ripped to shreds by a number of edged weapons. The second, well, we’ll get to that later. Valko has been fired for his role, whether unwitting or intentional, and is currently undergoing interrogation by the Mistral Police and may end up criminally charged for his actions taken during the event.”
There was a sigh, here, and the woman’s right hand went to her forehead to adjust her green bangs before going forward with the next item she was supposed to cover. This wasn’t something that she enjoyed doing, obviously, but the band-aid needed to be pulled off at some point. There was a time and place for secrets, but in a time like this it didn’t exactly help anyone and indeed would only hurt what little trust and faith the trainees had for the school that remained.
”Next we have Qiu’li, who appeared to have bludgeoned one elderly man with no aura to death after crushing the hand, wrist, and forearm of the victim as well as go well out of his way to give a list of injuries to another civilian that included but was not limited to two shattered kneecaps, all tendons torn in both knees, a skull fracture, a concussion, as well as the further chaining of the victim by his shattered and crippled knees in the air after the second one made the crime of running away in terror from the trainee.”
Another pause, and another adjustment of the bangs. Tone remained unchanged, and body language suggested she might as well have been reading the nutrient list for cereal in that moment.
”Frankly, in the grand scheme of things none of these crimes are very impressive. A first year trainee, a middle aged and crippled criminal, an elderly man, and a fleeing villager is not the kill list of anyone particularly good. In fact, to go through all of the effort that the murderers did in any of those cases it’s pretty pathetic that this was all they came away with… but it could have been even less than that. Most of you here will come away from this thinking that Ferric and Qiu’li were outliers – psychopaths who are fundamentally different from you to such a degree that you never have to worry about having your hands stained like they were. That would be the most idiotic thing you could take from this, especially because the trainees mentioned earlier were not the only ones who aided and abetted murder.”
Another, longer pause, filled the air. She had already called out one of the criminally implicated trainees by name but didn’t actually name the second one. She did, however, stare with cold green eyes directly at Carmim as she said the next words. There was no use hiding it, because secrets were dangerous when it came to things like this and there was information that the school frankly didn’t have about this scenario. Due to the city being in ruins and swarmed by Grimm for the foreseeable future, the only thing they had to go on was the testimony of other trainees who were there… and they had differing levels of culpability for the Vacuo native. It was clear she was involved, but it was not clear just how much.
”There’s a great quote that goes something like this: If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor. If an elephant has its foot on the tail of a mouse and you say that you are neutral, the mouse will not appreciate your neutrality. In the same way, if people are murdered right before your eyes and you choose not to stop the action – the fact that you did nothing will not comfort either the survivors or the witnesses. Choosing to do nothing in the face of injustice is a choice, made like any other. The choice of a coward.”
 | AURA: 90% TAG: @thebois NOTES: big drama WORDS: 4059 | TWC: 4059 One week ago, nothing had changed. Haven was good. Classes were good. Everything was good. She'd been hanging out with Aegle, spending time with Nik, before he went off to Vacuo for the break, watching her show with Eva. Her friends. She remembered the camping trip. It was a few months back, but it was fun. Memories, she'd cherish and remember forever. Remember forever. Picking berries with Qiu'li. She remembered that too. She didn't cherish that one. Not anymore. One week ago, she was briefed on her mission in Rochdale. So was he. They all were. "We're going to Rochdale, a remote village outside of Haven. We are going to evacuate the village, and save these people from the Grimm." Ha. They couldn't even save them from themselves; the ones who were supposed to be their heroes. You do not have my permission to die. She'd meant it. Bastard. Six days ago, they'd arrived in Rochdale. All eight of them. They came back with seven. On the airship there, she'd been hopeful. They were going to save people. They were going to be heroes. They were going to be Huntsmen. They were going to do something good. She remembered how she'd felt after the Argus Limited; how much better, it must feel, seeing the faces of the people they were helping? The faces. Gods, the faces. Drooling poisoned foam in the snow, eyes open forever in a thousand yard stare of sheer terror. Blood spewing out from a severe head wound. Screaming in agony, until his vocal cords were fried, and his screaming went hoarse and ragged, but never wavered, not until long after she'd left the workshop. Faces of the villagers they couldn't save. The ones who died because the Grimm came way ahead of schedule; they could have held out another day, maybe more. They didn't. Because of her. Because of him. Bastard. She hated him. She hated him more than she had ever hated anyone else, ever before. She couldn't even think of someone to compare him to; what he did was atrocious. And he hadn't listened to her. He ignored her one, most important, request. You don't just get to cause so much pain and suffering, and then just fuck off and die. He was supposed to face his consequences. He was supposed to have to look the family in the face, and beg for the forgiveness he didn't deserve, would never receive, and could never accept. Not leave her alone to do it herself. Like he did before. She hated him. And she hated him even more because he was dead. He was dead, and stupid, and horrible, and a craven, cowardly, bastard who got away with everything. You can't try a dead man. You can't kill one either. She'd told herself at the time, that she couldn't have, no matter how badly she felt like she wanted to, how badly she felt like he deserved it. And at the time, she'd believed it; Carmim was no killer. For someone with the incredible destructive power she possessed, she was as capable of taking a human life, as she was of breathing hot lava. If Qiu'li were standing in front of her, alive and well, she wouldn't tear him limb from limb with her semblance. She'd pin him to the ground and strangle the life out of him with her bare fucking hands. It was the least she could do to make it up to that family. No. Not for them. For herself. But would it help? Would she feel better, if she could do to him what he'd done to others? If she could shuffle all of the blame into someone else's body, and let him drown in it like she had, for the past four days? Four days. That's how long it had been. Five days ago, all those people were alive. The villagers. The old man. The younger one. Qiu'li. Lucian Van Sange. That one hurt a lot, and in a completely different way than any of the other deaths had. She could rationalize and explain the others. They were painful, unbearably so, but she knew why they happened. Each and every death in Rochdale had a reason. A cause. Someone she could point to and say, "You did this." Mostly, she would point at Qiu'li. And then at herself. And then at Qiu'li. But his death? It was meaningless. You can't blame a fire. And she had no idea who'd started it. The rumor mill had been coming up with ridiculous reasons why Van Sange would have been targeted, but there wasn't anything concrete, not like in Rochdale. Every death in Rochdale led back to the decisions she and Qiu'li made, and the actions they took, or in her case, didn't take. It didn't help at all that when she found out what happened to Van Sange, after the nine layers of hell she went through in that village, her brother let her know just who Van Sange was. That he was her uncle's friend, from way back during the war. It hurt because she liked Van Sange. He was a good teacher, and despite his many quirks and eccentricities, he was a good man, at least as far as she was concerned. Maybe he wasn't. Maybe he did bad things. Maybe he was closer to Qiu'li, morally, than she was comfortable admitting. But he'd never shown that side of himself to her. He was one of the few people who believed in Aegle. And now he was gone. And she wasn't able to do anything about it. She had so many unanswered questions, and now she could never ask him. Questions about her uncle, questions about why he chose Aegle for their class captain, hell, things she'd never have really thought to ask him when he was alive, but now he was dead, and she couldn't ask him anything anymore. If nothing else, he was yet another tie to home that was gone now. And after Rochdale, she needed every bit of help she could get in staving off the worrying and concern of homesickness. Anything that reminded her of Vacuo. Then again, maybe she didn't need to be reminded of Vacuo right then. Of the fact that what happened in Rochdale could have happened to her family, at any time, and she would have never known. Three days ago, Van Sange died. Hundreds, if not thousands, of villagers died. Qiu'li died. She grit her teeth and pressed her knuckles down into her desk. Three days after Rochdale, Shadecloak had called an assembly. She sat by Aegle, but didn't talk much as everyone waited for the Green Class faculty member to begin. It took a lot of effort for Carmim to get out of bed, frankly. She didn't want to be there. She didn't want to be in Mistral. Didn't want anyone to see her face. What did they all think of her? She hadn't said a word to Holly, or Nasrin, or Argent, since they left. She was terrified of them the most. Did they hate her? Did they believe her when she said that she hadn't helped Qiu'li do any of the things he'd done? That before she could even think of stopping him, he'd already done it? She'd never saw her lack of speed compared to others as much of a hindrance before, but suddenly she was furious that she hadn't been training to move faster. If she could have just gotten to him before Qiu'li had... She was strong. She could have pinned him down and restrained him nonviolently. Why Qiu'li hadn't done that, she wasn't sure at all. It made no sense. None of it did. The worst part was, she couldn't even fault them for not trusting her. None of them had been there to see it. And sure, official statements had cleared her name, with the rationale that she was scared and panicked, which wasn't far from the truth, but that didn't stop people from thinking the way they did; humans are notoriously emotional creatures, after all, and even Carmim knew that. She knew it a lot better, in fact, because of those damn drugs. As much as she blamed herself for not stopping Qiu'li, she also blamed the emotion dampers. They were supposed to keep the trainees calm and rational-minded, but instead, they took away whatever shred of a conscience Qiu'li may have had, along with her own impulses and instincts. Maybe with the drugs, she would have just stopped Qiu'li by force; she may not have been fast enough to stop him nonviolently, but she always wore her drum. He was fast, but her hands were faster. She could have stopped him in time. Maybe. Fuck, who knows? It all felt like a bad dream. And the dream wasn't over yet. Her ears perked up and she listlessly lifted her head to watch as Shadecloak began to speak. And, just as she had dreaded most, the topic was, of course, the two tragedies that had struck only three days before. Of course it was. It made sense. People needed to know what happened. From an official source. Her stomach churned, as she thought about Rochdale. Burned bodies and bones, picked clean by Ravagers. Those damn, haunting, screams. Deep breaths. Deep breaths. It's over. You're in Haven now. It's okay. Deep breaths. Deep breaths. If anyone were paying attention, they'd see that Carmim wasn't tapping on anything, as she normally was, but instead firmly gripping the edge of her desk, not enough to put any strain on her fingers, but enough that it was clear she was tense and trying her damnedest to stay cognizant, and not slip back to that hellhole. All she could see in her mind's eye was Qiu'li. It made her blood boil in her veins. She concentrated hard on Shadecloak's words. And regretted it. This discussion is going to make people angry. Well no shit. Everyone had a right to be angry. What happened was inexcusable. The mention of that bastard's name was accompanied by her teeth clenching together. Scorching hot eyes of crimson were fixed on the feline faunus. She began going into detail on the Attack. Ferric Nayamasa. That was a name she wasn't too familiar with, But at the mention of Fire Dust... And knowing what she did about Van Sange... Her eyes shot across the room to find Arrats. She wasn't too sure what he looked like, actually; they'd spoken over the group chats once or twice, and of course had classes together, but she had never actually interacted with him much in person. He had coordinated with Ferric? Gave him how much Fire Dust...? The next thing Shade said was still more news that Carmim wasn't ready to hear, even before she could finish processing the fact that it was one of her own classmates who was very likely responsible, at least partly, for her teacher's death. A family friend who she'd never even gotten to know... Her grip on the desk tightened. Braun was in critical condition? Third degree burns, all over his body...? She didn't know Ferric, and barely knew Arrats. But she knew Braun. Braun had been on the train with her. He was one of the first people she'd met at Haven. He was a big, lovable, guy who just wanted to try his best to help people. He didn't deserve this shit. He didn't deserve to... be hurt, because some sociopath decided it was okay to hurt people. She refused to acknowledge that critical condition implied anything more than him being hurt; she couldn't handle any more death. Her own name caught her attention next, along with Nik's, and her eyes widened sharply. Her ID card...? Had been used to... No, that wasn't right... She... She had her ID card. It couldn't have been one of the ones she'd lost when she'd first gotten to Haven, could it? No... That was crazy. She didn't realize she was breathing too fast again. Deep breaths. Slow. Deep breaths. Or that her knuckles were straining on the edge of the wooden desk. Her ID card was used to kill Van Sange... Her identity. She hadn't even been in Haven! And she'd managed to fuck things up there too!? It was bad enough that she'd let Qiu'li do what he did. Bad enough that she had been unable to stop him. Bad enough that she hadn't killed him her damn self before he got the chance to die on his own. You don't have my permission to die. He still didn't. It was unacceptable. Unforgivable. And now she was even angrier at herself. She'd killed all those people in Rochdale. And she'd killed Van Sange. And maybe even Braun. Her breathing was shaky, but quiet enough that Aegle could probably pick up on it easily enough. She was so focused on Shadecloak's voice, telling the horrible story, that she didn't even notice the calloused hand stretching out to hold her own, still clenched, white-knuckled, against the desk. She didn't want Aegle to see her like this. Didn't want anyone to. She knew, deep down, that Aegle believed her when she said she'd done her best, but that was hardly reassuring when she didn't even believe herself. But she couldn't really be held at fault for something like that, could she? What would someone else have done, in her shoes? What would Colton have done? Jack? Nasrin? Shadecloak? Arrats? Eva? No. She didn't want to think about Eva. Her grip on the table loosened a hair, and her breathing hastened again. Her eyes were misty, not willing to cry yet, but well-prepared if the occasion should arise. She couldn't face Eva after Rochdale. She couldn't. There was no easy way to tell someone that her boyfriend was a coldhearted sociopathic monster, who threw her best friend under the bus, not once, but twice. She was scared of the look on Eva's face when she had to tell her. She was scared of the pain she would cause. She'd caused enough pain, dammit. She distracted herself by catching sight of Shadecloak's eyes. They were focused in on Arrats, and she looked so angry... Carmim couldn't blame her. She was angry too. Furious. He'd helped that Ferric guy with his insane plan, and it had killed people. People she knew. People important to her. Shadecloak continued, though, and the first string began to snap. Because she was smearing the name of one of those people through the mud. Killers hired to kill killers? That was what she saw when she looked at Van Sange? Just a killer? He was a person, and Shadecloak brushed over his death like business as usual. Maybe he had been a mercenary, maybe he had done awful things. Carmim wasn't nearly as naive as most people assumed her to be. He wasn't an innocent man, but he didn't deserve to die. Nobody deserved to die the way he did. It wasn't right. Something in her tone dried up the hint of tears that had been threatening to break free. Her hand clenched the desk again, with renewed vigor, still too tunnel-visioned into Shadecloak's announcement to acknowledge the caring hand atop it. Or maybe she didn't want to acknowledge it. She didn't exactly feel very worthy of love and comfort right then. It didn't get better. Qiu'li was next. ...don't have my permission to die... ...acted like a Grimm... He was so selfish. So goddamn selfish. Not once. Not once in their last conversation did he even so much as acknowledge her condemnation of his actions. Not once did he truly express regret, in any more than the basest of forms. Not once did he show any sign that he was going to be a hero. His final actions may have been intended as heroic, but she saw through that, better than anyone else. She knew he'd chosen death. It was the easy way out, compared to a life of shame and punishment. It was disgusting. And she was a part of that. She could never forget that fact. She had helped destroy Rochdale, no matter how she tried to look at it. Without her semblance, no less- she had caused that much destruction with nothing more than an inability to move her legs, a momentary lapse in reaction time. In wanting so badly to believe that Qiu'li was a good guy, like her, even after all that, that she didn't strike him down even after the fact. She should have killed him. He deserved a coward's death. Not a coward's escape, through death. She winced visibly at every brutal detail of Qiu'li's actions. So many words made her want to throw up. She'd spent a fair bit of the day after their return home doing just that. Bludgeoned. Crushing. Shattered. Torn. Fracture. Chaining. Crippled. Terror. Deep breaths. Deep breaths, deep breaths, deep breaths. Her eyes were filled with pain. She wasn't sure whose. Maybe the remnants of the man's pain, as he dangled helplessly from the ceiling. She wasn't sure if he would ever walk again. Hell, she had no idea if he was alive. Part of her, some deep, horrible, selfish, part, hoped he wasn't. Because if Qiu'li had succeeded at killing him, that meant she would never have to see his face again, never have to refresh her memory of that godawful scream, the agony her former friend had put him through, and for what? What had he gained from torturing this man? It was all her fault. She recognized that. He hurt Carmim and tried to run. What else wanted me to do? Even if hold down, will try find other way to escape. Stars, it was her fault... If she hadn't spooked the poor man, accidentally woken him up, Qiu'li wouldn't have had a reason- no, an excuse- to do what he'd done. He may have still done it, but her hands would have been clean. It was because the man had what, bit her, spit on her? That was what necessitated lethal force? She had no idea how dense Qiu'li had to have been to think that. He knew her. They had fought, they had camped together, he had seen her working with him on the Western Front. He had to have known that she was significantly stronger and tougher than she looked. That man hadn't hurt her. He hadn't even been capable of hurting her, let alone Qiu'li. He was scared, wounded, defenseless, and freaking the fuck out, because he thought he was going to die. He almost did. Just thinking about Qiu'li's crime was pushing her towards seeing red, but it would have been a mercy she didn't deserve if it had stopped there. No, Shadecloak kept going. "Not very impressive," she said. Not very impressive. Carmim had begun to dislike Shadecloak well before this point in her speech. She was sure of it, then, though. Who gave a fuck if the crimes were impressive or not? Did it make a difference if Qiu'li had killed Colton, instead of a defenseless civilian? Would it have mattered more if it had been a Green Class student in critical condition, instead of a Blue Class student? Carmim wasn't stupid, she noticed that Shadecloak had thus far singled out Arrats, a Red Class student, Van Sange, the Red Class faculty member, and while she wasn't sure about Arrats's innocence in The Attack, the sheer revulsion evident on her face when she said it showed just how much disdain she had for the other classes. The fact that she openly disapproved of Aegle even being at Haven said enough. She clearly had a bias. But beyond that, she clearly had a complete disregard for human life. Her stomach twisted in knots, and her eyes bore into Shadecloak's bored expression like diamond drills, as she listened to the complete and utter bullshit spewing out of her mouth. Not the kill list of anyone good? Pathetic that they didn't kill more people?! What the fuck kind of monster said shit like that, about a tragedy? A tragedy so recent, they could still reasonably count the hours since it had happened. Her last line sent a chill down Carmim's spine, though. And she realized that as she glared at Shadecloak, her professor was now glaring right back at her, as she spoke, pointedly, and without a shred of sympathy for the trauma she had just recently endured. Was it not enough that she had to live with it? That, all other things aside, she had watched what was once a friend, die? That she, herself, knew perfectly fucking well exactly how much all of it was her fault? Her hand squeezed the desk, and Aegle would be able to easily feel the increasing pressure, as her face contorted with each stinging accusation. Right up until the last word, as Shadecloak finished defaming her character in front of the entire class. All her anger had boiled up, and now it had bubbled over. She didn't even feel it as her hand, being pressed into the wood with her full strength, bent and cracked the wood like styrofoam. It gave an audible snapping sound to punctuate the word "coward," but didn't break. Carmim, however, did. She was on her feet before she realized what was happened, eyes like embers trained on Shadecloak, as she screamed, sharply and loudly: "I TRIED!" There. At the word, "tried," she slammed both her hands down with as much force as she could muster- a great deal, as it was fueled by the frustration and indignation coiled up within her bones and her blood, which would have violently ripped their way through her skin if they were able. Her left hand found the desk, right where her hand had begun to bend and flex the wood. With her surprising strength, given her size, it gave way easily, breaking in two, and falling clumsily inward on itself. That was a dramatic gesture, but not nearly enough to compete with what happened simultaneously. Because her right hand had found her drum. If her semblance was loud outdoors, where it was used most often, it was like being inside a thundercloud for everyone in the room, and likely the people outside the room as well. A violent, aggressive, explosion of air cannoned forth from her djembe, straight into the wall directly beside Shadecloak, tearing a hole in the wall about two meters in diameter. Had she not been seated in the front, it would have likely been significantly larger; maybe even hit the faunus professor. The wall was, fortunately, reinforced, not that she'd known that. Therefore, her assault on it didn't manage to penetrate the wall with its full force, although at the center of the blast, a small peephole had formed, and through it, sounds of shock and fright could be heard from the people outside the classroom. People. She didn't know how long she was standing there, panting heavily, her vicious, angry, glare, fading completely into a look of shock, at her own actions. She was weightless as she fell back, stumbling into her chair. If Aegle attempted to comfort her in any way, she didn't register it. She just stared into the hole in the wall. The hole that she'd made. Shadecloak had proven her stupid fucking point, that was for sure. But it didn't make her feel any better. "I tried," The words came out weak, and stricken through with tears, in the aftermath of the explosive outburst. "I tried to stop him... What else would any of you done? I tried... I tried to stop him... I tried... I tried, I tried, I tried, I tried, I tried, I tried, I tried, I tried..." At some point, the words just faded into nothingness, falling away into a garbled blur of murmuring, that transitioned into a combination of hyperventilated breathing and silent crying into her knees, very occasionally dotted with a gut-wrenching sob that pierced the silence before falling away again. She'd done her best to stop him. She didn't deserve to be treated like a criminal for not being good enough. She did that just fine on her own. |
LAIKA OF GS!
