Post by Holly Hock on Feb 16, 2020 16:54:15 GMT -5
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[attr="class","RDcontainer"] [attr="class","RDcontent"] Having slumped down on the ground with the rest of the filth, Holly didn’t really factor in how Rin would respond to the words that left the pinkette’s mouth. Her body screamed physical and mental defeat and fatigue. She had spoken words removed of every possible filter that she had and simply let Rin know what was at Holly’s core. Not letting herself be restricted by any sense of logic, pretence, social convention, or consequence, this is what she came up with after everything that has happened in the previous few minutes. Holly was still enough aware of the words she had just spoken, and she felt… [break] [break] Relieved. [break] [break] Horrible, but relieved. [break] [break] Holly’s mind judged that for Rin this must feel like a horrible exclamation of a mentally deranged bully who wanted nothing more than ensure that the new kid was utterly miserable. The truth of the matter was that any of such language was kind of secondary to the other revelation that Holly had uncovered for herself. When you open a can of beans, you better be ready to accept the smell of the contents. Like some form of eye of the storm moment in self-reflection; there was a very brief window in which Holly had some clarity before Rin ruined it by reminding Holly that she was very much terrible. The revelation? [break] [break] Holly was feeling horrible enough that she wished another person to be just as miserable as she was. [break] [break] She wanted Rin to be as miserable as she was herself so that Rin would just leave within a few weeks, and never ever has to feel as dejected and hurt as Holly did now. [break] [break] Because Holly thought that the only way out of Haven was by being so downtrodden that they had no reason but to give up on you. [break] [break] Holly thought in a moment of desperation that her only way out was going further downwards till she no longer could see the light. That instead of reaching out, and pulling yourself out of that murky sadness, you just wallow in it. [break] [break] To let your worse impulses take hold just because you cannot handle them in any other way. [break] [break] To be mean to others just because nobody expects you to be able to do that in the first place. [break] [break] To exploit someone just because any sense of power hides of utterly powerless you were when it mattered. [break] [break] To take everything out on someone who used to be on the surface so much like you in a time when you weren’t this piece of garbage. [break] [break] …[break] [break] All very life-changing revelations about one’s self that would have been great to have gotten to without making Rin Hellebore a punching bag turned boxing glove. Holly was broken out of her moment of weird clarity as she heard the other girl’s voice speaking about the essence of being a huntress. The pinkette’s own thoughts losing hold of its earlier thoughts as new doubts and issues replaced them. Holly just looked utterly broken at Rin as her slumped-down figure simply nodded at the words. Her words sounded without power or will to alter them in any way but the truth. [break] [break] “I… I am not strong enough… in… in any way…”[break] [break] Holly’s body reacted somewhat to Rin lowering herself. Like a whimpering dog afraid of being beaten, slim limbs tried to slightly shield her body as the lizard-part of her brain thought that Rin Hellebore was going to attack Holly in some way. It was honestly a weird response considering that her aura would most likely protect her against any blow way better than her measly arms ever could. Holly’s eyes were still unguarded though, and she made sure to look at Rin for whatever was coming next. [break] [break] It were more words directed at her. [break] [break] More words meant to put Holly down. [break] [break] It worked. [break] [break] Was she in another state of mind, Holly could have easily refuted any of the claims. Holly cared enough for growth and nurturing life that her entire semblance reflected that, in her mind. Her love for her boyfriend was strong enough to pull him out of a dark place and to keep him from having made a horrible mistake. Neither of those two things were lies. [break] [break] But in this moment, Rin made Holly doubt in both. [break] [break] “I am-“[break] [break] Holly didn’t get further than that. She didn’t know at the moment how to finish the sentence. [break] [break] What are you, truly? What would other people not think about you? What could be said about who you truly are? Would Rin think that I am horrible like Nasrin? Would she think that I am beyond pity? Holly couldn’t fathom what Rin must think about her, and her mind it was a very telling multiple choice question. Like it was some sort of test someone could study for and get a good grade. Perhaps with answers based on lies, but who could tell if the question was never based on any form of fact or truth. [break] [break] I, Holly Hock, liker of plants, am which of the following: [break] [break] (1) I am a lying backstabbing bitch who just made someone miserable simply because she could, despite saying that I care for people. [break] [break] (2) I am some traumatised little girl who never could imagine herself in a situation like Rochdale and deserving of hugs and kisses like a victim. [break] [break] (3) I am some egomaniac who secretly only wants praise for every small accomplishment and attention while being at heart only a mediocre student and a poor Huntress. [break] [break] (4) I am someone who hides behind a curtain of gullible weakness while behind the scenes knows damn more than she is letting on. [break] [break] (5) All of the above. [break] [break] Holly didn’t like any of the quickly thought up answers that floated through her mindscape. Somehow, she was disheartened that none of her self-reflective answers said that she was kind, or helpful, or a good person. Well, all the more reason to accept that you do not consider yourself a good person when the cards are on the table. If this is all you can come up within this moment, you were probably never that good to begin. [break] [break] When Rin addressed her own pain, her own tribulation what she had gone through in life… Holly didn’t seem to care. Maybe out of the spite of a vapid egomaniac, but dealing with so much shit of her own within her head, the words that someone else was suffering in such vague terms didn’t exactly cause a moment of sympathy at the moment. Half of her class seemed to be suffering in some form because of their semblance. Either they were horrified by its destructive potential that they could not control, or they utterly believed that they had lost the cosmic lottery and were left with the bargain bin of powers that like 95% of the world could only dream about. Even if your semblance was some horrible crutch, the girl very much at her core believed that it was still a gift. A reflection of one’s true self gifted by some almost-divine power, or something like that. [break] [break] Not that Holly had any right of speaking. [break] [break] She was the winner in the semblance lottery, blessed with a power that she knew other people were jealous about in some way. [break] [break] And where did it made her end up? [break] [break] Naked and miserable on the floor of a girl’s locker-room. [break] [break] After Rin’s last look and words, Holly had built up the strength and willpower to speak some parting words to her would-be-bully-victim-turned-tragic-empowerment-story. [break] [break] “Just get out.” [break] [break] Real fucking winner-words right about here. [break] [break] Holly felt cold. Despite every evidence to the contrary, all of that nice and warm massage oil clung to her like a cold sweat. A few seconds after Rin had left, Holly just cries for a moment as there was nothing or nobody keeping her from the mental freefall. She laid miserable on the floor for a few minutes till she had no more tears to spend for herself. Still, feeling cold, the girl would slowly but surely making her way over to the showers. Half-dragging, half-crawling, she would make her way over there like a true sadness-snail without a house on her back. Holly stayed under that hot shower for a long time. Recovering, trying to get truly warm, getting that oil off her body even if needed to scrub till her skin felt sore. The girl heard others enter the locker-room to change before their exercises. Heard them complain about something sticky on the floor and the someone leaving a dirty white rag on the bench trying to clean it. They shouted over towards the person in the shower to clean up her own mess before she left. [break] [break] How do you clean up a mess, if you are the mess? [break] [break] Holly didn’t know the answer. All she knew now that she was horrible, and in pain. [break] [break] A pain that stayed after she finally stepped out from that shower. [break] [break] A pain that she didn’t know how to get rid of. [break] [break] Maybe she had some herbs that could help? [break] [break] She had to look at Qiu’li’s recipes when she got to her room. See what last words of wisdom the murderer had left her. Maybe he left some good advice in the world before his soul was set free. 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[attr="class","RDwortag"] Words: 1551, Thread Total: 9892 | [attr="class","RDwortag"] Aura: 100% |
[attr="class","RDnotes"] Semblance: E, Slicer: F, Survival: F, Gardening: F, Scroll-usage: F, Martial Arts: F, Healing: E, Acrobatics: F, Stamina: F |
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