Post by Wolfe on Aug 2, 2019 21:50:05 GMT -5
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[attr="class","scrollbar"] [attr="class","blog"]Argus Limited Update [attr="class","date"]3 August 25AV [attr="class","entry"]Hey guys, Melanie here! We have an update for everyone regarding the recent return of the Argus Limited here in the city, and that update is that the tapes from the mission are now public! The Argus Nightly News managed to get their hands on the tapes, and they're all over the net right now! I just wanted to put some quick thoughts down, since it looks like there was a big team up there and this is the most public information we've had all year! We've been promised a press announcement in the coming days with the names of the trainees, but until then it's RAMPANT SPECULATION TIME! The first thing I want to mention is the cyborg girl that everyone is talking about. Basically the entire time, she's out there swinging around, kicking ass, and taking names like nobody's business with some neat plans that end up just dumpstering the bandits that try to ransack the train. Girl has like 300IQ and got to show her stuff. She has four robot arms and no normal arms, so her normal arms must have been lost somehow. My guess here is that she was born without any arms, and got so angry at the situation that she went to Atlas to get those robot punching devices implanted into her back so she could just beat the hell out of everything the world had to offer. After seeing her beat the shit out of those guys, I feel like that's a reasonable assumption. She's the one that everyone and their mother is most curious about -- and if I'm right I'm going to brag about it until the end of time. When the zombie apocalypse happens, I want this girl on my squad. The second one I want to mention right here is the other trainee that everyone is talking about -- the white haired guy who is the subject of the #WHACKED and #WARFACE memes floating around. From pieced together footage, we see perhaps the most epic fail of the year when this dude tries to taser the ceiling before embarking on his quest for internet fame and being an early contender for meme of the year. My favorite one, which is the header image comes from, is a cat making a #WARFACE primed and ready to be #WHACKED. I really doubt that this poor guy's name is going to be released, so we'll have to wait until the Vytal Festival to officially award him his prize if he ends up being meme of the year. I look forward to seeing the other parody videos that come up, because that shit's hilarious. The cat #WARFACE meme is probably my favorite, because it's so versatile it can really fit anywhere. My speculation for this guy is that he's actually brand new to Haven and has the goal of becoming famous -- but he's really in bed with the nose job companies which is why he had to have a great BEFORE picture so someone at Argus could hook him up with a great AFTER picture. Maybe the bandits are in on it too and it's all this shady under the table nose job mafia shit. Listen, I don't know any more than you do -- but it WOULD explain some stuff wouldn't it? I'll leave it to the news crews to talk about the others and hype up our hometown boy some more (his ego is big enough), but I just wanted to get in EARLY to let you all know the two STANDOUTS from the mission and how we as citizens of the city of Argus have benefited immensely in both the beacon of inspiration that #CYBORGGIRL and her four punching fists are and poor, poor #WARFACE who we'll laugh at until the end of time. Until next time, Melanie signing out! [attr="class","tags"]#ArgusLimited, #ANN, #WHACKED, #WARFACE, #CYBORGGIRL, #SUPERGLUE |
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