Post by Bianca Sabbato on Dec 21, 2020 6:28:36 GMT -5
After I was done, Powehi took a couple seconds to try and come up with an answer. And sooner rather than later, she looked like she came up with an answer.
As dreadful as the topic at hand was, I couldn’t help but to feel the mood lighten up a little with her soft, albeit tired smile.
I proceeded to listen to her in silence. I didn’t truly believe she had such a negative feeling about each and every huntsman... I mean, that would be kinda insulting to her, but I could see how my reaction may have made her think that way. So I simply nodded in agreement as a small apology for that.
Then her next words followed. And those truly gave me pause.
I... I really never had heard anyone put it like that... But it kinda made sense. The formula wasn’t an overly complicated one. You put too much pressure on a piece, and it may snap, but put too little, and it will never live up to expectations.
You just pushed yourself over and over, but it was never enough. Until you push yourself so far, you either end up dead or mad.
It was really a shitty situation. Both for huntsman with all of that weight pushing us down at every step. And for the poor fools that depended on us to save their lives...
I looked at Powehi again, my neutral expression becoming much softer all of a sudden... I wouldn’t feel any shame in saying it felt kinda nice, even if I didn’t deserve it.
And I could only laugh when she said it that way. So nonchalantly, like it was the most obvious thing in the world... that's because... It kinda was. That’s what made it all the funnier.
It was fucking stupid, wasn't it? It was clear as day that some people would break from the pressure.
It’s only a matter of how many can live with that damage without it ultimately corrupting them. Some decide to take it as an opportunity to grow and, or are just a little too crazy or too stubborn to let it beat them... And others simply accepted it as an inevitability of life.
But others... Well... No need to further clarify what everyone knows already.
It was really... Refreshing, in a way. I wasn’t one to go fishing for compliments, not that something like this felt like one anyway. But every once in a while, it feels nice to see that there are people who share at least a few of your own ideas, It makes you feel a little validated on them.
Once she was done. I took a moment myself to find the right words. I pretty much agreed with everything she said. So I couldn’t do more than to show I understood her reasoning.
-No... I get what you are saying... And I don’t say it only to please. It wasn’t great before, heaven’s know that. But now it's so much worse. There are too few huntsmen and too much shit going on, to the point we are so busy we can’t even separate the good ones from the screw ups... And the good ones often just march to die anyway-
Drawing a deep breath, I took a moment to reflect. After the fall, how many huntsmen had died in vain to try and make things better? They could have quit, but they didn’t. They willingly sacrificed themselves to keep the kingdom on its feet for at least one more day.
-Guess that’s what happens when you put all of your eggs in one basket... Now, pretty much everyone in the trade knows we are all likely to die soon... And some people are not at peace with that, and that's normal, but those are the ones that shouldn’t try and become huntsmen in the first place... Not on these times... Fear has always been the greatest of corrupting forces, at least that’s what I think-
Fear, and the inability to conquer it, could lead you to push people under your boot because you were afraid of being powerless. It could take you to steal and cheat because you were wary of what people with more money or influence could do to you if you gave them a chance.
You could turn cruel so people wouldn’t mess with you. Forsake yourself because you were afraid of feeling selfish... Or you could paradoxically risk your life becoming a gangster because you were afraid to die or of the hunger and the cold.
-But that also means fewer huntsmen and more work for the active ones. I guess it is kind of like a vicious cycle. The more fucked up things are, the less effective huntsmen are, less numerous, less sane, even. And that also has repercussions on all who remain-
But it was not as if it was all a lost cause. It was something that could be fixed, and her ideas seemed... Pretty great, if I’m being honest. It was a little too early for me to pass judgment on the results. Or the methods used to achieve them...
But at least as a concept, I liked it, I always complained about Mistral not having a decent army, but maybe this could work too?
-In regards to your ideas...People being more able to defend themselves sounds wonderful, overreliance can’t be healthy for any of the parties involved. And more importantly, it cannot be sustainable. It wasn't before, much less now... So no use in clinging to things that aren’t working-
Finishing up my burrito. I took one long sip at the water before continuing. My eyes never leaving those of Powehi.
-I mean... How could I not be on board for that? Even in a self-centered way. More capable people means less work for the huntsman. Which means more huntsman surviving and being able to properly mentor the new ones... And uproot the ones that don't make the cut-
And yes. I knew very well that in this world that Powehi proposed there would have been no place for someone like me, who would simply be rotting on a cell. Or dead by this point.
A world where Mistral doesn’t need huntsman as gravely as it does now is a world where Bianca Sabbato wouldn’t, and shouldn’t, be. Haven would have never accepted me, simply because they would have never given me a chance.
It was kinda scary. And I admit that it would be horrible for me... But I honestly may have been cool with that. This was about more than just me, after all, even though I sometimes had trouble remembering it.
In the absence of Haven, I may have found another way to mend things, to try and make the world at least a little bit brighter to make amends for... For everything.
But things are as they are, I’m afraid. And the fact that I was unsure about how viable where Powehi’s ideas didn’t mean I should completely void them from the start. Maybe I could give those a chance just as I was given one...
A plan so crazy it may actually work... Or at least. I hoped it ended up being that... That stuff about people bending or breaking from the pressure was an analogy for huntsmen. But it may apply to other people as well.
-If I can... Sour the mood for a second... You seemed really scared of me when we bumped into each other sooner. Like... More than what’s usual...- I said, trying my best not to sound accusatory or patronizing to the woman in front of me.
And I thought about doing something for a second... About asking her if she had any bad experience with huntsman before... But. In the end... I realized that was none of my damn business. I was no one to go digging into another person’s life.
With a sizable amount of dubitation, I continued. -...And I want to apologize for that, both for scaring you and because... The fact that you don’t trust me is probably a sign that I haven’t been doing a great job as a huntress myself... So yeah... I hope you manage to do a lot of good while you’re here, helping a lot of people so they can help themselves...-
Sitting a little straighter. I did my darn best to look as sincere as I could for what I was about to say...
-Until that day comes... I will try my best to make myself a huntress worthy of you lot. So I can witness at least a little bit of change. Before leaving for good-
After that, I was happy with taking small sips at the water as I enjoyed the feeling of fulness from a good meal... At least, at first, until the lingering silence inevitably grew more and more uncomfortable with each passing second.
Only then I managed to notice exactly what I had just said, and how so.
Oh my... Was I getting all cheesy and shit? Damn. Why do I have to be so overly dramatic at times? After all, life wasn’t a soap opera, even if sometimes it felt like it... Welp. Better hurry up and fix this...
-I think... This got awkward... Uhh... Let’s just ignore that last part, okay?- I said sheepishly. Blushing a little as I discretely looked around, wanting to see if anyone else had been listening to my rant.
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