Post by Bianca Sabbato on Jan 11, 2021 3:34:37 GMT -5
I woke up. Surprisingly, I could sleep after I managed to calm down a couple hours ago. Waking up in a cell... It wasn’t something I missed.
Morosely, I sat on my hard, thin mattress. And looked at the plain white walls around me. I didn’t know if they were simple walls or some kind of reinforced material.
I couldn’t feel the connection with them. So those must have been made of something else besides stone. Makes sense. You would want a material able to contain someone suspected of...
Ah... Yes... Murder.
It happened yesterday in the morning. I had just woken up, Berwyn was still asleep in the other bed. I went to wash my face and was still in my sleeping garments, nothing but my underwear and an overly large t-shirt.
I heard three loud knocks on the door. Loud enough to wake up my roommate. I told the visitors I would be presentable soon. And scrambled to put on my tunic in a second. The knocks resumed, along with an order to open up immediately.
They said they were the police. And this gave me pause. I thought that maybe they need my help with something. Or maybe, something happened in school? Hastily, I reached for the door.
On the other side, several police officers awaited me. One of them was holding handcuffs. And all were visibly armed.
On the edge of my vision, I could see a strange figure. It was a tall man with colorful clothes and multiple weapons on sight and not the weaponry a police officer would use. The man was a huntsman. This much was clear.
He had his arms crossed and was eyeing me warily from behind the officers. He tried to take a neutral expression, but I could read body language well, and I knew when a person was just ready to pounce at any second.
At this point, Berwyn was now fully awake and likely hurrying to get dressed. With my hand still on the door handle. I asked what had happened...
And they told me I was under arrest. Instinctively, I gave a step back. Some of the police officers did so as well. Only the huntsman stepped forward, looking much more ready to jump into action than before.
He asked me if I was going to resist. Wordlessly, I shook my head from side to side and offered my hands to them. One of the officers came and turned me around, handcuffing my hands on my back, while the others stood in a loose formation all around me.
I didn’t complain, nor did I resist in the least. But I still asked under what charges they were taking me in...
I wasn’t ready for the answer. It made my stomach twist, and my face grew pale. But I didn’t protest further. I just followed, head hanging low, towards my cell. I just... Wasn’t in a mindset to be asking any questions.
Back to the present, a small noise outside my cell snapped me back to reality.
Food came through a slit in the door. Surprisingly, not as bad as movies made it to be. It was not gourmet food, nor something of the quality Haven served us. But it was decent. Better than scrambling for rotten bread in a garbage bin, at least.
Yes, this wasn’t so bad. You could grow used to this. I certainly could, even if Haven had spoiled me these last few months...
I wondered if I would need to grow used to this again. As I humorlessly dipped my plastic fork into my mash potato and gravy breakfast, asking myself how did this even happen in the first place.
I didn’t understand why this was happening now, I had been as transparent as someone could be with the court. There was nothing I had done that they didn’t know about... Were they dissatisfied with my progress? It couldn’t be... I had already been trialed... Were they going back on it?
I put the fork aside. I wasn’t really hungry. So I just remained there, sat on my bed, looking at the bare wall in front of me. Without much else to do, I started thinking back on these eight months. And the value they had. What I had accomplished. And what it amounted to in the end.
Well. I think I saved at least a handful of people. Right? There were the ones I freed from the slavers... That was actually the thing I felt most proud of... I know that objectively we probably saved more people by killing Solomon. But, it was simply not the same.
I could have been in any other place, and it would have been the same. Argent would have most likely taken care of it himself.
But if not for me in that camp, who would have been left to save those persons? Raul Adalwulf? I knew I wasn’t the perfect model of a huntress... But I wasn’t that bad...
Well... At least Raul hadn’t gotten himself jailed for homicide... So I guess that is debatable as well.
I mean... I wasn't perfect. Far from it, I had more problems than what I can even count. But at least I was trying. Right? I don’t know if it’s any good or not, but I was giving it my best...
And then this happened... I just... Why?... I was living my best possible life. Why would I kill an innocent person? Why would someone want to make it look like it was me?
…
Did... Did anyone believe it was me...?
I wouldn’t blame them if they didn’t trust me...
I had been a liar. And a criminal, and a useless bitch...
I hated this... I was tired.
Why did I even want to get out of here? So I could keep fighting, keep training until my bones ached, and still feeling like shit at the end of the day? For what?
So I could kill that white-haired bitch? And what would I gain from it? That wouldn’t bring Holly back... It’s just... It was probably just something I wanted to do so I wouldn’t feel so helpless... So I felt like there was at least something I could do to fix things...
Huh... I wanted to kill someone only to feel a little better with myself. Am I really this pathetic? I believe myself to be too much of a tough bitch to simply cry things out like a normal person? To just... Forget it and move along once and for all...
But I couldn't do that. I didn't have the privilege of pretending things never happened. And that was all on me.
Things... They cannot be fixed anymore. You cannot make someone who went away return to you. I couldn’t make my parents come back. I couldn’t make the people in the gang come back, I couldn’t make Garrik...
Shit. I have to admit, it wasn’t a very promising perspective, that I always had utterly failed at fixing stuff.
And I was still feeling helpless. And I would probably still do even if I killed the woman. I still thought she was dangerous and probably needed to be stopped, kind of like how you acknowledge a force of nature can be dangerous... But she was not really important, wasn't she? She’s not the one with the problem here...
It was always useless... Nothing I have done was ever enough. If anything, it only worked against me in the end. I mean... Look at me now... I must have seriously pissed off someone for them to just decide to do this.
Maybe they are right... Maybe, I deserve to be here. Maybe, I deserve to be alone, and a lot more than that.
I heard steps coming in my direction. Someone approached.
I lifted my head, slowly, to welcome the new arrival. It was Berwyn. Great. I super wanted her to see me in this condition...
-...Hi...-
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