TRP is a post-Great War AU RWBY RP set in Mistral City and Haven Academy with no canons, no rank claims, no maidens, and no god interference. We offer a progression system and site-wide events that change the setting based on player actions.
Post by Valeska Zolotova on May 2, 2021 22:19:16 GMT -5
If the fidgeting didn't make Bianca's reason for asking that question, and asking in that way, obvious, then her file certainly did. It took some time (granted, it took far less time than she expected because there were less students enrolled right now than she thought there would be), but Valeska made sure to read up on every student and paid special attention to her homeroom class. On top of that, there were certain legal considerations and expectations with Bianca's situation that she had been made aware of a couple of days after arriving at Haven -- and thus a couple of days after meeting Bianca and Chloro for the first time. It was no mystery to her why Bianca was so uncomfortable asking this question.
But she could pretend like it was and that she didn't know anything.
Bianca didn't seem like she was trying to be deceptive, she was just uncomfortable. If keeping some amount of personal deniability made it easier to talk about, then she could play along. Her response required no thought from her, so she responded almost immediately after she was sure Bianca was done talking, allowing the momentary pause just to make sure since Bianca was having so much difficulty getting the words out.
"Of course." She shifted a little and paused again. "I think this one of those questions where there's a long answer and a short answer. That's the short one."
The long one required a little more consideration. Whether Bianca was aware of it or not, she felt like several questions were being asked at once. It also felt like a strange question to ask her specifically because if past actions had that great an impact on what someone's future should be like, then she shouldn't be here talking to a faunus.
"I don't think there's anything to make up for to begin with. Everyone makes mistakes and some decisions they're not proud of. It's part of growing up and growing as a person. Those actions can't be undone. We can't fix them, we can't change what happened, but we can learn from them and try to be better in the future. Choosing to use those skills to help people and to do something good sounds like an excellent use of them regardless of where they came from doesn't it?"
Post by Bianca Sabbato on May 5, 2021 20:44:08 GMT -5
I felt a heaviness in my chest as I heard Valeska’s answer. Shit, I couldn't even figure out what kind of feeling it was. It almost felt like anxiety building up inside me. But I wasn’t sure of what it was or if it could even be named.
-I see... Yes. It sounds like a good use indeed-
Looking pensive, I nodded at her, cupped my chin with my hand, and looked to the side for a moment. Trying to put two and two together on a topic that still kept me awake for hours on end now and then. The professor's words felt sincere. She didn’t seem like she was putting an act to make me feel better. I didn’t know her that well, but I couldn't imagine her lying about it either.
-Thank you for answering... Professor- I said, scratching at my cheek awkwardly. To be honest. I didn’t expect her to have an answer at the ready so quickly.
The response itself sounded very optimistic... But was it alright? It wasn’t just about me, but the people I hurt as well. Did they deserve having to tolerate knowing that I was running around freely? Living a life that by any means was way better than before. Better than theirs while they got nothing out of it.
But if that was not right, then what was it?
I knew I could give up at any moment if I wanted. Just tell the academy I wanted to quit and submit to my punishment. It would mean losing my freedom. But I would be safe and free of responsibilities as no one would be able to threaten me in prison. So in a way, it would just be changing one form of punishment for another.
Like. Hell. Deep down, I felt like this could be the right thing to do. Wasn’t it the ideal situation? Someone who did a wrong working hard to make amends? Was not that the reason prisons existed in the first place? What was desired and expected to happen if everything was working well?
The problem was that It still felt like I was cheating somehow. Since I just got out because I was strong. Was that supposed to make me more deserving of it? So many people had worse punishments for things lighter than what I did, but I was free simply due to The Fall happening in previous years.
All in all, I was unsure about what I truly felt. Maybe I would never figure it out. But in the meantime, the one thing Valeska reminded me of was that I couldn't change the past. I only could focus on what to do in the future.
Wondering if doing something was the right thing or not was all but meaningless without putting in the work to do it.
-You are probably right. I will... Put them to good use. As soon as the school day is over, I will be checking those escort missions-
Whatever the case. It was comforting knowing some people would think like that. That even if I ended up disagreeing with Valeska in the long term, maybe entertaining the idea wasn't so bad. It was likely that I would end up going back and forth between different viewpoints. But I guess that is what people said about persons and rivers. Remnants still lingered in both of them, but they were never the same as the day before.
A bit more confident now. I turned toward Valeska once again. I still was a little nervous, but mainly due to the natural uneasiness of the whole situation.
-...I think that may cover everything nicely for now... You helped me enough already. So I can get out of your hair now... And, huh. If you ever need help with stuff, feel free to hit me up. I wouldn’t mind returning the favor...-
I said with a weak smile, not fully knowing why or what exactly did I meant by that. But I just felt like doing it at the moment. Who knows? Maybe she would need a volunteer for a class or help with someone in particular. I didn’t know what I could do, but I left the window open anyway.
Whatever the case I didn’t wish to get overly sappy with the Valeska or drag her into needlessly long philosophical discussions. So we could probably start wrapping up our impromptu class soon if she didn’t have anything else she felt was important to mention. I knew I had already taken a lot of time in a pretty busy schedule.
At the same time, I had to reflect on Valeska’s situation as well. Technically she was here because Morgan had to go away. And maybe she wasn’t exactly the most suited for the work at hand. But she still was doing her best, and in my opinion, she was doing a damn good job at it.
Post by Valeska Zolotova on May 5, 2021 23:45:32 GMT -5
She wished she could do more. She wished that she could give an answer that would satisfy Bianca and make that guilt she seemed to be suffering from go away. Unfortunately, words weren't that strong. Sometimes, they could provide some amount of hope and comfort, and they seemed to have done so a little here, but they couldn't fix all problems. Ultimately, Bianca had to work through those feelings herself. She had to believe that she was worth something, and no amount of people saying nice things to her would eliminate that need. At the very least, it looked like Bianca might be ready to take those first steps.
"It's no trouble at all. Please don't hesitate to come find me, or even send me an email, if you ever need anything else. This is my job now, and I want to do everything I can to help you."
Normally she would have left it at that and would have said something to acknowledge Bianca's offer to help her, but Bianca seemed like she wanted a little something more. So, she paused for a second as Bianca started to turn around. As much as she hated the idea that people needed to be useful to be worth something, sometimes feeling useful could improve someone's self-worth. Or maybe Bianca was just trying to think of an excuse to see her again without feeling like she was being a burden. Whatever, it was, she could afford to take a moment to think of a good way to indulge her.
"Hm, if you're free later this week, I have some books I need to unpack still. There's no rush and it shouldn't take too long."
She had to stop herself before making a comment about having trouble reaching the top shelves because Bianca likely had the same problem. It was a small task, but hopefully it would do the trick. There wasn't much she needed done at the moment, or at least nothing that wouldn't be covered by other Haven staff.
With that, she gave Bianca a small wave figuring she'd be heading out. That was a productive training session. She hoped she could do something like that for all her students.
Post by Bianca Sabbato on May 7, 2021 20:36:09 GMT -5
I listened to Valeska’s words with a brittle smile on my face. They were kind. And they hurt as they made me feel warm in a way that I felt I didn’t deserve to feel... But they were sincere. So, for now, I would try to keep them in mind as best as I could.
-… I will remember to give you a call if I need some help... And sure! I’ll send you a PM when I’m free so we can take care of that unpacking-
As I was about to leave, I had to suddenly stop myself on the threshold of the door. Turning around for a second, I opened my mouth to speak to say something to Valeska that I felt like I wanted to tell her... But I stopped at the last second.
-Professor...See you around. Thank you-
And with that, I left the room, walking as fast as I could towards the building’s exit... Once I was far away enough that I knew there were no chances of Valeska catching the end of my words.
I stopped and stared ahead in the distance. At the city below, and well beyond that, as the mountains etched the horizon.
… -I’ll do my best... I will try to help a lot of people-
Words were feeble things when compared to actions. That’s why I wouldn’t thank Valeska yet for her encouraging words. And for trusting me. Instead of going around spitting empty promises, I would show her how truthful my resolve was. It felt like the only way to properly thank her and everyone else who had helped me up to this point.
That trust people put in me, I wouldn’t let it go to waste.
As for how I would do that... I still didn’t know. If there was actually a definitive answer to that kind of thing, I was still far from reaching it. If that was even possible. At most, I had a lead on what I should do and how I should act. It was a lead I felt like I had been following for a long time now...
I didn’t know how good it was, but it got me there at least. So it had to be some worth to it.
The year really went by flying. Many things I was happy to have learned. A couple more I didn’t like, but I was glad to know now. Some things that I needed to forget I managed to leave behind. But I still kept a keen eye on the things that I should never forget.
Again. A good year, all in all... At least I was a few steps ahead of where I had been when this all began. There had been some bad moments, but I just kept going forward beyond those. In the future, it was likely there would be more bad times, maybe even worse... But even if that was the case, even if it hurt and made me want to quit, even if nowadays everything felt like it was in vain. I wished to keep moving forward.
Or else, how the hell was I gonna know what was ahead on the road?
As for what to do now... Well. I at least knew I had a class in an hour, so I better get a shower and something to eat. After that? I probably needed to study a little... I was pretty sure I had enough training for today, though.
Checking out my scroll, I confirmed that the next class was dust studies. I wouldn’t manage to get all my things in time for the class unless I made haste at once...
-Don’t just stand there, girl! Get to work!- I chastised myself in an exasperated tone. But still smiling a little as I began running towards my room.
For now, even a mere lead was probably all I needed. The rest I could figure out as I went.