Post by Carmim Clover on Jan 20, 2020 5:44:54 GMT -5
❝ AURA: 100%TAG: @bestsmolgf NOTES: :KermitHug: WORDS: 2155 | TWC: 14,924 Let's write a story; be in my book. You've gotta join me on my page; at least take a look. Oh, where are my manners? You need some time? Let's swap chests today. That might help you decide! There had been plenty of girls back home. Or, well, like six or seven, that were about her age, and not a cousin or something. Still, it wasn't as if Aegle was the first girl she'd ever met, that she found attractive. Hell, boys, too. There were about as many of them around her, as a kid, and she'd had her little kid crushes and later, a few adolescent crushes that felt a little more, well, multi-faceted. Kid crushes were always just "this person is my friend, and I want to hold hands with them a bunch, and get married, and live in a sand castle full of dinosaurs." Her later crushes were a slurry of "this person is my friend," "I want something more than friendship," "I really want to smash my face against theirs," and all sorts of other things, but in the end, all of them were incredibly selfish wants. Exclusively selfish, that is; she wasn't saying that no part of this... Whatever this was, wasn't selfish. In fact, it was the opposite. Her crush on Aegle was one million percent, without a doubt, her most explicitly selfish desire, in her entire seventeen years to that point. Ever since they'd met, she knew she wanted every ounce of Aegle's attention. She wanted her friendship, her love, her being, her soul. Isn't that what every real crush felt like? Every crush worth having. The ones that coined the term; where the feelings could compress your whole body into diamonds, and then crush those diamonds into dust if that crush was unrequited. Love was, in a large sense, born from incredible selfishness. Base desires and a self-preserving need for companionship, security, and comfort. Love demanded these things, not of oneself, but of the object of that love. It made Aegle into a never-ending fountain, and threw Carmim into a desert; months ago, she could have easily lived her whole life without ever meeting Aegle. Now, she could die without her, yearning for the tiniest sip, just wasting away. But it was also her most selfless desire. Because for all of the things she wanted for herself, all of the beautiful, wonderful, things she wanted Aegle to fill her with, she wanted to share everything she had with the Atlesian girl cradling her in her crooked, bony, arms. Needed to. Friendship. Love. Her whole being, her soul. All of her. It was Aegle's, now. And had been, for months- it only took Aegle that long to actually allow herself to have them. Laying there, under the stars, after one hell of an emotional rollercoaster, sleepy and clinging to the night like it was her last, it struck Carmim as awfully poetic that love could be so selfish, and yet so selfless, all at once. Then again, she still wasn't any surer of what love really was, and what it meant, than a puppy chasing her own tail knew how to catch it. And much like that puppy, now that she'd finally caught what she was reaching for, she had no fucking clue what to do with it. She could feel the sputtering misshapen pitter-patter of Aegle's abnormal heart, thumping away like a drummer who'd just discovered what a flam was. The thought flashed through her mind for a moment, that Aegle had never mentioned a hospital before that night. And in fact, she hadn't elaborated much at all about her heart condition... That scared the little redhead, who nestled her head closer to Aegle, feeling her hair brush softly against the other girl's hoodie. Aegle scared her. Just a little. She tried not to think about it, but it wasn't exactly easy to forget at times. She'd almost lost her once, already. And it would have been her fault. The familiar rural Solitas accent brought her back down from the confines of her brain, as Aegle finally answered her question with another question. She smiled, though Aegle couldn't see it as she kept her head resting where it was, with only two languorous nods in reply. She'd have known for longer than that, had they met sooner. Aegle continued, and she listened, letting the unconventionally dulcet tones wash over her ears. It was as if the tension earlier had been the only thing keeping her from just relaxing and taking in Aegle's voice, one sense at a time. It was nice. It felt nice, having that clarity at long last. She couldn't help but raise an eyebrow as Aegle trailed off, though, mid-thought. All she'd ever wanted to be? Carmim? It was a funny thought, though Aegle had obviously not meant it to be so- she couldn't imagine what the other girl had to be jealous of, in herself. Sure, she was strong, and tough, and kind, and all those things Aegle often said about her, but those weren't nearly the only things that mattered. Aegle was really smart, really funny, a good, caring, person, and she had a deep well of inner strength and determination. She never quit, never gave up. Even when she made mistakes, she made herself keep on going, and those were all things Carmim loved and respected about her. If anything, Carmim wanted to be more like Aegle. She cracked under pressure. Her semblance, while powerful, was a responsibility she never felt fully equipped to bear. She wasn't very smart, and as hard as she tried to be brave, and make herself do hard things she wasn't ready for, she was never as good at it as Aegle. She hadn't signed up for the Exhibition Tournament, even though she might have had a really good shot at winning, because she was scared. Of a lot of things. She was scared of losing, and costing her class a victory. She was scared of herself, and her own power. She never felt comfortable using her semblance on other people. She was scared that something would happen, and her temper would get the better of her, like it very nearly had in the forest, with Nasrin and Heidi- or Jackie- whoever that girl was. But Aegle... Aegle was never touted as one of the strongest students, or really, anything but the weakest. And yet, she had seen her name posted on the sign-up sheet. And Carmim knew, without a question of a doubt, that Aegle was going to win. She had to. The determination in those green eyes was stronger than any Semblance, more dominating than a whole pack of Beringels. Just having the strength to sign up at all was more than Carmim could hold claim to. Especially having seen the competition... Aegle was strong. And, as often as she had stated it before, any time Aegle forgot the fact herself, she was a hell of a lot stronger than she gave herself credit for. So it was funny that Aegle wanted to be more like Carmim. Fingers running through her hair sent a tingling chill down her spine, and she unconsciously lifted her head a tiny bit towards Aegle's hand, making an equally tiny noise, not quite a hum, but close, expressing her satisfaction. Was this normal? Did normal people immediately get all touchy-feely and "Dust of Your Heart" romantic right after a confession of love and a kiss? Or were she and Aegle just incredibly, incredibly, strange girls, neither of which knew what to do next? She had no idea, but she didn't want it to stop. And then, there was mention of the doctors again. As if Carmim had been there, and knew the whole story already, and she was just summarizing it for context. "What the doctors did t'me." Something about the way she phrased that sentence was concerning, but she tried to set it aside for the moment. Aegle sounded happy. She didn't want to ruin that by talking about anything like doctors, or hospitals, or anything else. Not that Aegle seemed to mind. It was almost like her thoughts were perpetually spiraling towards gloom and hardship, and she was constantly swimming upstream to escape them. There was a hint of resignation she noticed, whenever the Atlesian spoke of those things. As if she had given up on trying to prove them wrong anymore, and accepted that it was what it was. Quintessentially Aegle. But as soon as it appeared she was diving into dark, depressing, subject matter once more, she continued, moving to the night they met, in the gym. Carmim remembered it very well, and was glad to hear the note of a grin in Aegle's voice as she told her side of their shared origin story. She remembered that night vividly. It was so funny, in retrospect- she'd spent that whole day looking for her mystery roommate, only to find her completely by accident, and neither of them realized it until they stumbled, exhausted, back to their room. She still couldn't believe it- it was too crazy of a coincidence. She remembered Aegle's readiness to help out, despite looking about as tired as she was now saying she felt, and more than that, she remembered the moment. When she turned around to glance at Aegle, for the first time, up close, and she saw the way that her eyes sparkled. Radiant. Beautiful. The purest green she'd ever seen. She was probably just a sucker for cheesy movie romance, but she believed in love at first sight more than she believed in most other things. And it had clocked her across the jaw the night she met Aegle. But just as she was enjoying her memories of that feeling, all over again, damn if Aegle didn't slip downstream again in her story. Her heart. Carmim's leg shifted a little uncomfortably, as she nudged her head again, reminding herself that Aegle was the sturdy wall she was leaning into. Although, as it was, Aegle didn't seem to feel nearly as sturdy and solid as Carmim thought her to be. Because of her heart. A heart of glass, that could break at any more than the gentlest touch. She heard the soft mechanical whirring of Aegle's brace, hanging in the otherwise silent air, as if it were another cricket or frog. And suddenly, something clicked. That was why Aegle was jealous when they met. The thing she had that Aegle didn't. Her heart wasn't glass. It was made of normal heart-stuff. It beat regularly, with a heavy beat that could be felt easily, effortlessly. As effortlessly as it pumped blood and kept her alive. Her arms and legs were firm with muscle, built and molded in the Vacuan sun. Not crooked and bent and twisted up and atrophied in some Atlesian hospital for some reason she wasn't aware of. Her spine was straight, and stood on its own; there wasn't a metallic grinding of gears or buzz of electricity emanating from it. Aegle was jealous of her normalcy- she wanted to live like Carmim, without fear of heart attacks or running out of lightning dust, and suddenly being unable to move easily. It was sad to think about. If she could have given Aegle her body, right then and there, she would have, on the spot. And it was that realization that confirmed for her, once more, that her feelings for Aegle weren't just an immature infatuation. She would rather give up her own mobility, just to see Aegle walk around, thrilled and overjoyed at shedding the brace, than allow Aegle to long for the body she'd had before all of her medical issues. And she didn't stop talking, either. She managed to spin what was about to be more sadness into something more. A soft, fresh, trickle of tears streamed from Carmim's eyes now, but she was smiling. She'd never had anyone, ever, tell her that she inspired them before. Ever. And to hear it from Aegle, of all people... That Aegle saw her working out in the gym that night, and it pushed her to be stronger. It made her almost as happy as the kiss had. Aegle pulled her into a warm, gentle, embrace, and she pulled Aegle into her, wrapping her arms around her back. "You are wonderful too." She closed her eyes for a moment, just breathing in Aegle's scent, the smell of the grass around them, the crisp fragrance of the autumn air. She couldn't have asked for a more storybook, fairy tale, moment. "And beautiful. And special. And good. I cannot be t'e Huntress you cannot be, t'ough." She spoke gently, with a tone of firm conviction and prophetic insight; as if she were speaking the words into being, and willing them to be true. She knew they were. "Because t'ere isn't anyt'ing you cannot be. I know it. You are incredible, Aegle." She yawned lightly, and smiled broadly as she embraced the warmth of what she hoped she could now call her girlfriend. |
LAIKA OF GS!